Gwyneth Paltrow Might Be Done Dating Brad Falchuk

June 19, 2015 / Posted by:

Grab a bottle of imported sparkling swan tears and pour one out for Gwyneth Paltrow’s current relationship, because it’s probably dead. According to Life & Style (via The Daily Mail), Gwyneth Paltrow is ready to uncouple from her secret-not-secret boyfriend of almost a year, American Horror Story creator Brad Falchuk. A friend of the come-to-life corn broom says that she wants to end whatever she had with Brad because all they did was fight.

“Gwyneth is breaking up with him. Things got very serious very fast, but lately all they did was fight all the time and she’s tired of it. Gwyn likes things a certain way and Brad didn’t cater to her, so they ended up bickering over the smallest things. She can be very fussy when it comes to food and Brad isn’t. Sometimes he just wanted to go out for a burger, which drove her crazy.”

I guess this means Brad won’t be joining The Goop Troop on their upcoming Hawaiian family vacation. “That lucky bastard” said Jennifer Lawrence.

So far neither Gwyneth nor Brad have said anything about their relationship, but I’m sure we’ll hear about their break up once Gwyneth decides to write about it for “Listen up, peasants. You may have heard that I had to dump my boyfriend after he tried to feed me a burger. I literally can’t even with that shit. A BURGER! I’m sorry, but was the invitation-only organic butcher shoppe out of hand-carved Wagyu beef spleen? And the burger was on a bun. Not an aged plank of Brazilian Rosewood or wrapped in a page from the Gutenberg Bible. Like, obvious I had to dump his ass. In the words of TLC, I don’t want no scrub.

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