Mattel’s most realistic Ken Doll ever, Zac Efron, is still in Hawaii shooting that Mike and David Need Wedding Dates movie. I confuse this shit with that one movie he just did with Robert DeNiro, because he shot them back-to-back and it looks like he’s pretty much half-naked all the time in both of them. Whenever Zac Efron gets cast in a movie, the writer has to re-write all of his scenes so that his character is half-naked and the director has to explain to him that he’s the only thespian with real skills who can play a character that is allergic to shirts. It makes sense, because on the list of “Shit That Doesn’t Make Sense,” “a fully clothed Zac Efron” is right under “Everything about Rachel Dolezal” and “a dude spitting on a butt hole several times in porn.” I’ll never understand a dude spitting on a b-hole a million times in porn. I always wait for the b-hole to spit back.
In the scene they shot the other day, Zac Efron’s nipple knobs were actually covered, but they put him and his double in a gay porn wrestling fantasy onesie that was so tight it made his dick look like a gerbil trapped in a tent. (“A gerbil you say?” – Richard Gere) Or maybe that’s not Zac Efron’s peen. Maybe that’s his back-up Bronzer stick.