Hot Slut Of The Day!

June 18, 2015 / Posted by:

Shel Rasten, the 33-year-old Adonis son of ageless human unicorn Charo!

Charo was on Celebrity Wife Swap last night, because she is a complete saint and knew her A+++ superstar power would give that itty bitty show a much-needed ratings boost. Charo is always helping the less fortunate. Charo switched places with her Love Boat co-star Jill Whelan (aka Vicki Stubing). Nothing crazy happened, but I learned for the 8,000,000th time that reality TV is far from real and nearly every second is completely scripted. I mean, the show did not end with Jill’s family going down to the court house to legally emancipate themselves from her so that Charo can adopt them. That would be any human’s natural reaction after spending that much time with the pink sparkler in heels. FAKE!

At the beginning of the show, Charo introduced us to the son she made with her husband of ten million years. For a second there, I thought that my TV had glitched out and changed to a channel showing Falcon Crest, because Shel Rasten looks like he fell right out of an 80s primetime soap opera. He looks like he was made by Aaron Spelling Productions. Shel is an actor/producer type and he just moved out of his parents’ Beverly Hills house. Shel’s big storyline was that his mom still does his laundry. Shel is way too old to be letting his mom do his laundry, which is why I volunteer to clean his dirty clothes WITH MY TONGUE.

Shel is like a come-to-life sculpture that Michelangelo made of a young Lorenzo Lamas and his luscious early-Menudo member mane makes you wonder if Moses himself parted that hair. (Or was it a hairstylist who worked on Dynasty a few times? Same thing, actually.) But you know, we should expect nothing less from a human who came out of Charo’s cuchi cuchi. (Of course, I couldn’t write a Charo post without throwing a “cuchi cuchi” in there somewhere. It’s definitely a law.)

Pics: Wenn.com, ABC, Getty

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