Lovable stripping doofus Channing Tatum did an AMA on Reddit yesterday, or as Channing probably called it, “Yo, Give Me Much Questions.” Agreeing to do a Reddit AMA was really brave of Channing. He totally seems like the kind of guy who gets nervous every time he goes through the drive-thru at Taco Bell and the voice on the magic speaking box asks if he wants to make it a combo (“Oh man, I know this one…calm down dude, you got this“).
Channing is currently promoting Magic Mike XXL, so I expected every answer to be just a picture of his abs. Instead, he gave us a gift far more beautiful – Channing Tatum gave us the real thoughts rolling around inside Channing Tatum’s adorably dopey skull. That, or he smacked his penis around on the keyboard for a couple hours and let autocorrect do its thing. Either way, Christmas has come early! Note: All answers appear exactly as Channing typed them.
When he was asked how long it took him to write that HAHAHAHA-filled email from the Sony email hack: “I’m sure exactly how long. I hit the h and a for a long time before I realized I could copy and paste. I’m not the most tech savvy person around but it did become a lot easier and faster.”
What Channing Tatum wishes his super power could be: “I wish that I could make anyone at any point just happen to be naked. Not for the reasons that everyone thinks. Because people get really nice when they get naked. Like okay, I can’t be an asshole. People aren’t assholes when they get naked (for the most part). They are thinking about what they look like. Shitty answer, I tried to do something funny and it didn’t work.”
What Channing Tatum named his penis: “Gilbert.”
How much Channing Tatum loves The Care Bears: “I was just given a bear for my 35th Birthday by a friend Joanne and it was a bear with a heart on it. The carebear cousins were my favorite. There was the lion and the fast rabbit. Those two were pretty awesome. ”
What Channing Tatum would bring if he was stuck on an island for the rest of his life: “How about a magical seashell that’s always filled with bourbon. And I would like a magical palm tree that had a lot of shade with instead of coconuts there’s just peanut butter jelly sandwiches with cheetos underneath. And my wife that is always happy and possibly naked.”
How Channing Tatum would survive a zombie apocalypse: “Oh man. Crossbow, straight up, and I’d want an army of ninja chimpanzees that crush people all around me. Or I would just go to Sandra Bullock’s house as I’m sure she has all that stuff because she’s dope and kick-ass.”
Who Channing Tatum would fuck/marry/kill between Ray Romano, Danny DeVito, and Gilbert Gottfried: “I’d fuck Danny Devito, as I was saying earlier it could be fun. I’d marry Ray Romano, because I think he has a pretty solid perspective on marriage. I don’t know who would be the male or female, you figure it out. And I like Gilbert Gottfried but I wouldn’t mind killing him.”
On fighting Danny DeVito: “Can i just fight a Danny devito sized Danny Devito because I think I could take him and I would be on top or I could just use him as a spinner as I’m assuming we’re going to have sex after we fight if we’re naked.”
Who Channing Tatum’s favorite Disney character is: “I like the broom from Fantasia.”
“I like the broom from Fantasia.” I think that pretty much just summed up everything you need to know about Channing Tatum.
But I have my own questions about Channing’s answers. Specifically, what is Channing Tatum’s obsession with Danny DeVito? And why do I now really want to see a remake of Twins written by and starring Channing Tatum and Danny DeVito? No seriously, think about it. It would be mad sick. Plus they could write a part for that dope-ass broom. Oh shit, I think I caught second-hand dumb from reading Channing’s answers.