According to UsWeekly, Charlize Theron may have woken up from the dickmatized spell she was under and decided that she wants her pussy to go leather free. Some sources tell both UsWeekly and E! News that Charlize dumped fire-roasted, angry leather douchebag Sean Penn after they got back from Cannes last month. No reason was given as to why their love ate shit after being together for a year and a half, but does there really need to be a reason? The reason is: Bitch realized she was going to marry Sean Penn.
But really, I thought Charlize’s cooch was hypnotized in a serious way. They got engaged, she was reportedly going to let him adopt her kid, she dribbled at the mouth about how hot he is and just last month, they were all on each other at The Life Ball. “Stage 1 dickmatization” is when you let a messy dude drive your car and “stage the number is too big to type dickmatization” is when you let a messy dude adopt your child.
Charlize Theron dumping Sean Peen gives hope to all the hos out there whose genitals are sprung on some good dick attached to the wrong dude. There is a cure for dickmatization!