Acting Like A Brat On An Airplane Will Cost Conrad Hilton $5,000

Thank god Conrad Hilton is working some truly jacked-up hair, because it’s juuuuuust busted enough to keep my eyes from wandering down to that pinstripe pants bulge. Bless you, Conrad Hilton. Actually, I take that back – that smug smile on his face as he’s walking out of court tells me he’s probably laughing “Hahahaha suckers, no jail for me!” to himself. (Note from Michael: Yes, I am enrolling Allison in a crash-course in bulge watching right now, because I’m pretty sure that’s an air bubble. Or his stash.)

Back in February, Conrad Hilton earned a spot in the Stupid Spoiled Douche Club (current president: Justin Bieber) by threatening to kill flight attendants and calling everyone “fucking peasants” on a British Airways flight from London to Los Angeles. He also smoked weed in the bathroom. He was charged with assault and agreed to plead guilty in exchange for a federal felony charge being dropped. The New York Daily News says that Conrad was sentenced today. It looks like Kathy Hilton won’t need to pull out her prison-visiting Chanel pumps again, because a judge slapped Conrad with a $5,000 fine and 750 hours of community service. Conrad reportedly apologized and promised it wouldn’t happen again.

The NYDN says he’ll also be required to undergo mental health and substance abuse treatment. No word on whether or not Conrad’s sister Nicky will be required to meet with scientists so they can try to determine what DNA defect caused her to become a little less obnoxious than the rest of her siblings.

This isn’t the Hiltons last stroll into court with their 21-year-old son; he still needs to get a slap on the wrist for reckless driving in Palm Springs last August. “Just put it on my tab, peasants!” he’ll holler to his lawyers.