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June 15, 2015 / Posted by:

Princess Birgitta of Sweden!

While burping up my post about the royal wedding in Sweden, I committed a truly illegal international act by overlooking the most gorgeous and elegant guest there: Princess Birgitta! Princess Birgitta is the 78-year-old bright, shining diamond hanging off of a ring on Sweden’s left nipple. She showed up to the wedding of Prince Carl Philip and Sofia Hellqvist in a tiara, a pink jumpsuit, a fur bolero thing and a head-to-toe leather bodysuit she calls her gorgeous skin. If Linda Evans dressed up for a wedding at Studio 54 and then threw herself on the face of the sun, she’d look like Princess Birgitta.

Wikipedia tells me that my new Swedish beauty icon is the sister of King Carl and she’s been estranged from her husband since 1990. She lives in Majorca, Spain and he lives in Germany. You know that she is living the life in Majorca. Every night, she lounges in the hot tub with only a tiara on her head and a crystal flute full of champagne in her hand, and she laughs into the night as one Spanish boy toy sucks on her toes and the other Spanish boy toy dances to an ABBA song in front of her.

Truthfully, it boggles my mind that Sofia Hellqvist didn’t run out of the church in tears as she soon as she saw Princess Birgitta looking like a crystal-embedded Magda. How can Sofia compete with a sparkling vision like that? Princess Birgitta is like Tan Mom, but not nearly as classy, obviously. Princess Birgitta is redefining the definition of goddess with every step she takes, but I’m not going to go as far as to say that she’s as refined as Tan Mom. I’m not going to go that far.

Pics: AP, Getty

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