Hot Slut Of The Day!

Since everybody and their weeknight fuck buddy sent this to me yesterday and this morning, you’ve probably already seen it, memorized it and are going to perform it at a Pride party this weekend. (I can see you attaching a fall of teased-out green yarn to an Eagles cap right now.)

I’ve been waiting until today to post this extremely important witness account starring this glorious stallion of glamour, because he deserves the HSOTD title and we all must bow down and worship his ability to seize his 15 minutes of viral superstardom. As Rich at Gawker points out, this green lightning bolt of beauty was on So You Think You Can Dance before, but he truly pirouetted into the hearts of the Internet when he gave the performance of a lifetime while giving a witness account of a car crash in Jackson, Mississippi on Monday, Dear Antoine Dodson, Sweet Brown and the Backin’ Up Lady, please welcome Courtney Barnes into the Legendary Local News Witness Hall of Fame.

MS News Now says that on Monday, a JPD officer got into a car crash with a van that was being chased by Jackson State University police. The driver of the van busted out of the scene and the JPD officer busted his head (but he’s going to be okay). Courtney Barnes, the national treasure who came out of a My Little Pony’s twat after she had bareback glitter lube sex with the Joker, saw it all, and thank all the gods for that.

Courtney made me feel weak at “Girl, he hit the pole” and gave me the full-on vapors at “twisted round like a tornado, girl.”  Courtney has been waiting for this moment and the moment has finally arrived. He not only gave a tour de force performance, but he gave important styling tips (example: you should always match your hair to your eagle claw nails). If you haven’t already, get into the Oscar, Tony, Emmy and People’s Choice Awards-worthy performance that Porsha Williams more beautiful, glamorous, talented and charismatic long-lost brother gives. Prepare to pick shards of glitter out of your eyes afterward:

That magnificent Sharpie unibrown is even more glorious in motion. It’s as if the ghost of Bob Ross visits Courtney every morning and delicately draws his exquisite unibrow. That unibrow looks like a seagull gracefully flying above the ocean during a sunset. I’m sure we’ll see a whole lot more of that flying seagull brow since I’m sure Courtney is going to get a contract with Burger King, Wet ‘N Wild, Manic Panic, Sharpie and everybody else out of this.

And this is what Courtney looked like when he was on SYTYCD:

That mic was totally limp before Courtney Barnes stood in front of it.