Maggie Gyllenhaal, who once confessed that some people think she’s way too fucking old to play anyone’s love interest, recently admitted during a roundtable interview with The Hollywood Reporter that sometimes she doesn’t even make it to the “Bitch, you are too fucking old” part of the audition. Maggie says that ever since she started out in Hollywood, people have given her the same look the pig people give Donna Douglas in that Twilight Zone episode and told her she’s not “pretty enough” or “sexy enough” to be an actress.
“When I was starting out, I used to hear ‘no’ a lot and still do. And, ‘You’re not sexy enough. You’re not pretty enough.’ When I was really young, I auditioned for this really bad movie with vampires. I wore a dress to the audition that I thought was really hot. Then I was told I wasn’t hot enough. My manager at the time said, ‘Would you go back and sex it up a little bit?’ So I put on leather pants, a pink leopard skinny camisole and did the audition again and still didn’t get the part. (Laughter.) After that, I was like, OK, fuck this!”
Wait a minute – Hollywood is a superficial place filled with rude assholes who only care about looks? I’m shocked!
Maggie just addressed a very real problem in Hollywood; there isn’t a single acting school that offers a class on how to properly sex it up for auditions. Obviously such a class needs to exist, and it should be taught by the Lee Stasberg of sexiness herself, Bai Ling. Leather pants and a pink leopard camisole? That’s way too classy for a “really bad” vampire movie. See, if Maggie had been educated by a pro like Bai Ling, she’d have know that a future direct-to-DVD movie about vampires requires a tastelessly-short miniskirt made from a trash bag, a shirt made from plastic fake vampire teeth, and a pair of over-the-knee boots from Skank’s Choice Discount Shoe Warehouse. That’s how you sex it up and land an audition.
Here’s more of Maggie from The Hollywood Reporter’s roundtable interview, which also included Ruth Wilson, Viola Davis, shade hero Jessica Lange, Taraji P. Henson, and Lizzie Caplan.