Ariana Grande Would Like You To Know She’s Nobody’s “Property”

Even though Mariah Carey’s travel-size equivalent Ariana Grande ended her 8-month long relationship with Big Sean more than seven weeks ago, people are still asking Ariana Grande about Big Sean and she is NOT having any of it. So much so that on Sunday, she hissed at one of her assistants/carriers to grab a pen and “Take a fucking memo” (I’m assuming) and tweeted a long-ass feminist-flavored rant bout not belonging to anyone and not being Big Sean’s “property.”

Before today, I never would have guessed that very sexy baby (copyright: 30 Rock) Ariana Grande would pull out a quote by Gloria Steinem in a Twitter rant about sluts vs. studs, but here we are. It’s like she listened to Christina Aguilera’s “Can’t Hold Us Down” for the first time this weekend while shopping for new ponytails, then rushed off to the library to check out as many books on women’s studies as her library card would allow. With that being said, Ariana Grande many thoughts on the subject, so prepare yourself for a whole lot of reading.

“If a woman is seen with a friend with a penis…” might be my favorite cross-stitch pillow that doesn’t exist yet. From now on, that’s how I’m going to refer to any guy I’m not sleeping with. “Him? Naw, he’s just a friend with a penis.” Meanwhile, Taylor Swift is like, “A friend with a penis? You mean a future publicity boyfriend, right?”

But really, Ariana Grande is right; who even cares who Ariana Grande is humping on? Besides, if you’re going to ask Ariana Grande a question about any of the men in her life, at least make it a good one and ask about her brother, international social media superstar Frankie Grande.