Dustin Diamond Has Been Found Not Guilty Of Stabbing That Guy He Stabbed

“Former Child Star.” I guess “Current Life Mess” was too harsh.

After testifying yesterday that he totally didn’t mean to pull a switchblade and stab a 25-year-old guy during a brawl at a Wisconsin bar last Christmas, TMZ says Dustin Diamond has been found not guilty of stabbing that guy. “Oh thank god” bleep-blooped Kevin, who wasn’t sure how he’d get his robot ass back and forth to prison to visit Screech.

According to TMZ, the jury believed Dustin when he said he didn’t mean to stab Casey Smet with his switchblade, so they cleared him of a felony charge of recklessly endangering public safety. Ironically, he’s still very much guilty of recklessly endangering public safety, according to anyone who ran out of their house and projectile vomited into the street after watching his porno.

But Screech isn’t totally off the hook. The jury found him guilty of two misdemeanors: carrying a concealed weapon and disorderly conduct, which means he could face up to 9 months in jail. The guy Screech stabbed was found guilty of disorderly conduct and might spend 90 days in jail. Getting stabbed by Screech and going to jail, all because you wanted a blurry cellphone picture of Screech? Damn, I don’t know who needs to get their life (copyright: Tamar Braxton) more in this situation.

Since Dustin Diamond is famous-adjacent and everybody loves that Saved By The Bell shit, my money is on that he’s probably not going to do those 9 months in jail. Then again, if that judge was more of a California Dreams fan, then he might want to call up Mr. Belding and ask him to pack up a duffel bag with a couple pairs of his best wacky pants and inform the world there’s a chance there will be one less messy former child star in it for the next little while.