The Most Recent Couple From “The Bachelor” Have Called It Quits

May 28, 2015 / Posted by:

In the grand tradition of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, People says that the most recent Bachelor Chris Soules and rose collector Whitney Bischoff are over after six months of being engaged. I know, I really should have given you more time to prepare yourself for such BEYOND SHOCKING news. Feel free to send me the bill for whatever injuries you sustained when you passed out from the sheer shock of it all.

Prince Farming (yes that was a thing) and Whitney released a statement earlier today saying exactly what you think they’d say about their split – that they’ve “mutually and amicably decided to end their engagement” and that they “will continue to be supportive friends.” Uh huh. Sure. Skip ahead to six months from now when both of them are pulling an “I don’t know them” before awkwardly trying to change the subject.

Because I don’t love myself, I watched almost all of Chris and Whitney’s season of The Bachelor and I’m not surprised things didn’t work out between those two. He always had the same ‘bored narcoleptic badger’ look on his face whenever Whitney would talk at him. It was as if he was mentally counting down the seconds till he could hop in the hot tub and get his blurred-out boner on. Although to be fair, he had that look with everyone.

This marks the 19th time a couple from The Bachelor or The Bachelorette have called it quits. Would it be too bold of me to suggest that ABC might want to consider changing the name of the show to The 4-to-6 Week Engagement Ring Rental? It would make more sense.

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