Open Post: Hosted By Colton Haynes Looking Like A Creamsicle

May 27, 2015 / Posted by:

“How many licks does it take to get to the cream?” is what several thirsty, horny hos said to Colton Haynes last night. Probably.

One-time XY twink model and actor type Colton Haynes is in that San Andreas movie and at last night’s L.A. premiere, he decided to show us what it would look like if a wizard turned a pink flamingo law ornament into a junior car salesman. I’m into it. So many dudes show up to these things in the same boring ass black or blue suit. It’s about time a dude brings on the puckers by doing himself up like a Candyland pimp. But you know, The CW version of Channing Tatum is a brave bitch for wearing that around The Rock.

I mean, Colton looks like a giant piece of salmon sashimi and we all know that The Rock has to eat an extra large serving of protein every hour on the hour or one of his ten millions muscles will deflate a little. Hmmm… I just realized that if you want The Rock to eat you good, just walk by him while looking like a giant piece of salmon sashimi. On that note, I’m off to find a pink suit at Kohl’s.


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