Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 27, 2015 / Posted by:

Trampoline Dog! 

I’ve posted about Ride or Die bitches before, but here’s a Jump or Die bitch who is so hooked on his human’s love that he soared to new heights (Warning: That may or may not be the last stupid pun I make in this post. You’ve been warned.) to be with him. Meet Paddy, a 4-year-old devoted dog friend, and Thomas McCormack, the human he can’t be without. Thomas from Croy, North Lanarkshire in Scotland tells The Guardian that a quick second after he sat down on the train to begin his commute to work, Paddy strolled on in and took the seat next to him. Thomas was shocked. I would’ve been shocked and exploding with happiness at the same time. First comes my dog learning how to commute to work, next comes my dog learning how to do actual work. Once he figures that out, he can earn our kibble and I can spend the day sleeping and licking my own ass. (“Um, you already do that. It’s called ‘the crap you post on Dlisted.'” – you)

Thomas’ yard is fenced in, so he couldn’t figure out how Paddy got out. Thomas’ neighbors later told him that they watched Paddy use the trampoline to get over the fence. Paddy and Thomas reenacted the thrilling scene in the video below. Yes, it’s perfectly natural to sing the chorus from “Jumpwhile watching this:

I was going to point at Paddy and laugh while saying, “HA! HA! Look at the pussy whipped human’s boy,” but I am not the one to talk. In the 6th grade, I went on a camping trip with my class for a week. About a day into the trip, I started missing my mommy in a serious way and pretended to be sick hoping that my teacher would call my mom to tell her to pick me up. I know, I was way too old for that shit. They told me to take a nap and said they would call my mom if I didn’t feel better. I made a miraculous recovery about an hour later when I learned that we were having fried chicken, tater tots and cherry pie for dinner that night. So I cannot judge Paddy. And yes, I still pull that “I got the sicks so please call my mommy” trick today and yes, I pulled it at a party last week.

(For Brett and Jana S.)

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