Johnny Depp Busts Out Of Australia As They Threaten To Throw His Ass In Jail

May 26, 2015 / Posted by:

The Daily Mail has pictures of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard arriving at the Gold Coast Airport where they apparently got on a private jet headed far, far from Australia. Johnny left the day government officials declared in a senate meeting that he could be thrown in jail for 10 years and have to pay a fine up to $340,000 for illegally smuggling in his Yorkies, Boo and Pistol Depp-Heard. HA. I wonder how Boo and Pistol Depp-Heard feel about being at the center of an international incident? They obviously don’t have time to care because they’re too busy taking 300 naps and licking their own assholes.

The Sydney Morning Herald says that Australia really wants to get down to the bottom of how Johnny got Boo and Pistol into the country without officials finding out until a groomer posted a picture of one of them on Facebook. Apparently, a customs official checked the private jet before Johnny, the crew and the rest of the passengers got off. So they’re wondering how he got them in. Did he hide them under his hat?! Probably not, because they would’ve been eaten alive by lice after a few minutes. Did he hide them in his ass? (Cut to Richard Gere making an “I am impressed” face.)  How did he do it?!

Even though Boo and Pistol are back in the US, the investigation is still ongoing. The Agriculture Minister Barnaby Joyce and officials are taking this HIGHLY IMPORTANT matter very seriously. The pilot of the private jet could also face up to 2 years in the clink.

The Daily Mail says that Johnny went to the US for his daughter’s 16th birthday party. He is expected back in Australia where he’ll continue to shoot that Pirates of the Caribbean shit.

Johnny Depp won’t get 10 seconds in jail, let alone 10 years. But if he does get sentenced to a decade in the chokey for smuggling in some Yorkies named Boo and Pistol, the ground of the earth will be covered in tonsils, because we’ll all laugh them out. Australia is not screwing around and if they really want to get Johnny where it truly hurts, they should punish him by banning him from wearing scarves whenever he’s in their country. To Johnny Depp, that is a punishment worse than death.

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