Put on your (whatever you were wearing in 2011) and pop a bottle of (whatever you were drinking in 2011) and let’s go back to a time when receiving a text containing the divorce papers emoji followed by the sad face emoji from your legal piece of a year was still something that justified you never speaking to their rude asses again. “Ah, t’was a much more formal time” thought everyone who at this moment is quitting their latest Tinder piece by tagging them in a picture of a trash can on Instagram.
During an interview with the Daily Telegraph (via UsWeekly), perpetual moody teenage girl cosplayer Katy Perry admitted that she hasn’t said shit to Russell Brand since he quit their marriage via text message three and a half years ago. And it’s not like Russell Brand is desperately trying, like “Oi mate, give us a ring? We miss you“; according to Katy, he doesn’t want to talk to her either.
“He hasn’t spoken to me since he texted me saying he was filing for divorce. I don’t want to talk about him — my songs will say what I need to say.”
She also went on to say that she still has the cat they adopted together, but she has since changed her name from Rusty (a combination of Russell and Katy) to Monkey.
But of course Russell hasn’t contacted Katy; he’s been too busy writing nightmare-making children’s books and being the Erin Brockovich of east London housing (I don’t know if that made any damn sense). I’m sure it would be a whole other story if Russell Brand was unemployed. Trust me on this one, her phone would be blowing up with texts that start with “U up? U want to talk? I miss u” and end with “No srsl girl, u up? I am – WINK!” if he didn’t have a job. Although something tells me she’s used to getting texts like that every time she calls it quits with John Mayer.
UPDATE: Katy Perry swatted at the Daily Telegraph on Twitter for reusing quotes she gave them three years ago. Okay, but has she spoken to Russell Brand lately or not?!?