To quote myself after I downloaded a few One Direction songs and actually liked them: “I did NOT see this coming.” (And yes, that line was followed by: “God, I hate myself so fucking much.”)
Kelly Rutherford of Melrose Place (and also that Gossip Girl show nobody cares about) actually won a round in the messy, sloppy, wreck of a custody battle against her ex-husband Daniel Giersch over their fancy-named kids, 8-year-old Hermes and 5-year-old Helena. On Friday, a judge in California temporarily gave Kelly sole custody of her kids and ordered that she can bring them back to the US. That ruling came a day after Kelly went to Monaco to visit her kids and her husband refused to let her see them without handing over their US passports. During some bizarre ass interview with TMZ a couple of weeks ago, Kelly said that any American who brings her kids back to the US will be considered an American hero. Daniel used that against Kelly. He claimed that he’s afraid she will take their kids back to the US without his permission so he wanted their passports handed over. Hermes and Helena have been living with their dad in Monaco since 2012. He had to leave the US after his Visa got revoked, because someone (reportedly from Kelly’s legal team) told the State Department he was doing some shady shit business-wise.
People says that a judge in L.A. said that Hermes and Helena must come back to the US with their mom. The judge also ruled that Kelly doesn’t have to hand over their US passports to her ex-husband or a third party. But it’s not like Kelly can just immediately fly with her kids back to the US in time to have a Memorial Day BBQ. Monaco has to co-sign the California judge’s ruling.
Kelly’s lawyer burped up this statement:
“We are ecstatic, and hopeful that Monaco will respect the California court’s ruling and send the children home. It has long been our position that Monaco has no jurisdiction because Hermes and Helena, as American citizens, have an absolute right to live in their own country. If the citizenship shoe were on the other foot and these children were citizens of Monaco, I have no doubt the United States would respect their right to reside in Monaco.
Monaco officials know that sending the children back to America is the right thing to do. I’m looking forward to the happy reunion of the children not only with their mother, but also with their country!”
To think, I thought little Hermes and Helena were going to come back to the US after President Obama heard Megan from Melrose Place’s plea for help, dropped everything and “rescued” them.
You know, Kelly and Daniel could quit being a mess for one second and do something called “ask the children what they want,” but that’ll probably only make things messier. If the kids say they want to live with mummy, Daniel would say, “KELLY BRAINWASHED THEM!” If they say they want to live with daddy, Kelly would say, “He’s turning my AMERICAN CITIZEN kids against me and AMERICA!”
And if Monaco agrees with the California court, expect Kim Kartrashian’s ego to grow bigger than her Snuffleupagus ass, because she’d think her influence made it happen.
Pic: Getty/Women’s Health