Flavor Flav Was Arrested In Las Vegas For (Insert Every Misdemeanor Here)

May 22, 2015 / Posted by:

That side-eye. That sneer. That mug shot. Flavor Flav looks the way I felt after my 2-day BBB (booze, buffet and beauty in the form of Mimi and Brit Brit) binge in Las Vegas.

Early yesterday morning in Las Vegas, the cops answered, “It’s jail time,” after Flavor Flav asked, “Do you know what time it is?” One of the vanguards who built Vh1’s kingdom of reality show fuckery found himself in handcuffs yesterday after his 2005 black BMW was pulled over for going way too fast. E! News says that at around 12:30 on Thursday morning, highway patrol caught Flavor Flav (born name: William Jonathan Drayton, Jr.) going 73mph in a 45mph zone. That traffic stop led to a treasure trove of charges. Flav was charged with six misdemeanors including DUI, speeding, possession of weed, driving with a suspended license, driving with an open container and driving with a bunk registration.

His bail was set at $7,000 and he already bailed out.

Flav might have to sell a few of his 5,000 neck clocks to pay his legal bills, because he’s already dealing with a suspended license case in New York. Last year, he was pulled over for speeding while trying to get to his mother’s funeral. Since the cops discovered that his drivers license was suspended 16 times before, he was charged with a felony.

Flav must be under the influence of something at all times, because you’d think that after the 5th or 6th drivers license suspension, he’d think to himself, “Oh, so I guess that’s a real charge and I guess they really mean it. Maybe I should download that Uber app now.

Now is the perfect time for Vh1 to bring Flavor of Love back. We need that mess back in our lives and the streets would be safer without Flav driving on them. Vh1 should permanently move Flav into a rented house and shoot back-to-back-to-back seasons of Flavor of Love. He’ll never have to leave the house! Everybody wins. Sure, the world would get new STDs out of it, but that’s a small price to pay.

Since we’re on the subject of FoL, let’s take a moment to pay tribute one of the greatest things to come out of that show: HOTTIE from season 1! Here’s Hottie’s hauntingly beautiful high-budget video for her #1 hit (on her own iTunes playlist) “Missing You.” Oh, Hottie, I am missing you. It’s tragic that Beyonce has the career that belongs to Hottie:

You’re probably wondering why Hottie doesn’t have a Las Vegas residency. Well, she already did that long before Mimi, Brit Brit and JLo.

Years ago, Hottie did an explosive, critically acclaimed 90-second residency at some Las Vegas street festival and the city hasn’t been the same since!

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