Today we’ve covered the Duggars and the syphilis rash on humanity’s right ass cheek, so I figured we could use an industrial-strength palate cleanser. So here’s one in the form of come-to-life vintage Talking Ken Doll Matt Bomer turning the world on with his nipples while struttin’ that ass in Maui with his husband Simon Halls. You may think that it took Warren Beatty’s Shampoo character, a blow dryer, a flat iron, a couple of Coke cans, a diluted Ogilvie home perm, a bottle of Dippity Doo gel and a dream to make Matt Boner’s hair look like that of a prom king in an 80s movie, but I’m sure he just wakes up and puts a little water in it. (I knew this dude whose hair always looked perfect and one time I asked him what he put in it and he said, “Oh, nothing, just a little water.” Yes, a little water and a whole lot of LIES.)
And I don’t know if that’s a dick-shaped air bubble or if Matt Boner’s got a really long peen that’s shaped like a conjoined carrot. Either way I’d hit it until it fell off and even then, I’d keep hitting it.