Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 20, 2015 / Posted by:

Steam Heat, the steamer created by international treasure Richard Simmons!

David Letterman is retiring from the late night stroll tonight after approximately 500 thousand years in the game, so today’s HSOTD is a tribute to his show and his greatest guest: Richard Simmons!

Richard Simmons is a piping hot geyser of fabulousness, so when he wants to cook vegetables the healthy way, all he has to do is blow a steamy air kiss at them and VOILA! They’re instantly steamed. But us mere mortals don’t have those powers, so years ago he put out a cooking product just for us. Steam Heat was a steamer that, duh, steamed food. All the way back in the olden days of 2006, Richard went on Letterman to push Steam Heat. Since one of Letterman’s favorite pastimes was fucking with Richard, he fucked with the dandelion of perfection again during a Steam Heat demonstration.

Letterman’s people rigged the Steam Heat so that it would “malfunction” and shoot out flames that went higher than the sparks that fly off of Richard’s head when he winks. That machine’s got ::cling cling:: steam heat AND flames of death. The hot flaming load that hit Richard’s face made him jump up out of there and grab his chest. It nearly scared the tits off of him. Rude ass Letterman! It’s a good thing that Richard doesn’t use hairspray or any other kind of hair product on his naturally tight fro. That human torch would’ve literally become a torch.

Infomercial Hell thinks that Letterman’s prank cost Richard sales. Steam Heat is no longer for sale.

If tonight’s show doesn’t end with the now reclusive Richard Simmons descending from above on a giant sparkly piece of broccoli as dozens of Steam Heats explode on the stage below him, then Letterman’s reign would have been for nothing!

Pic: Richard Simmons

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