George Clooney Slobbers About Amal Clooney: Chapter 599,001

May 20, 2015 / Posted by:

When we last left George Clooney, he was hating on the fat, ugly, jelliz haters for hating on him and I was a little concerned. I was concerned because he wasn’t mouth squirting out a sticky river of sappiness about the second greatest love of his life (the first being George Clooney) Amal Clooney. But thankfully, he’s done with talking about other things than Amal.

While promoting Tomatoland on CBS This Morning, George told Charlie Rose about how he sprung the whole engagement thing on Amal without talking about it first. You may be thinking that their engagement was really romantic and involved his lawyer passing her lawyer a 5-year contract in a conference room somewhere, but no. It wasn’t that romantic. George says that while at home, he put on one of his aunt Rosemary Cloony’s albums and dropped to one knee. Amal was so OMGICANTBELIEVESURPRISED about the proposal that he was on his knee for so long that he almost pressed his Life Alert button for help. via E! News

“When I asked her, you know, we’d never talked about it. There wasn’t like a, ‘Maybe we should get married’ [conversation]. I dropped it on her! “I asked her, and she just kept saying, ‘Oh my, God,’ and ‘Wow,’ and we just sat there. And finally, I just said, ‘Listen, I’m 53 at the time, or 52 at the time, I think. I said, ‘I’ve been on my knee for about 28 minutes so I gotta get an answer out of this because I’m gonna throw a hip out! I might not be able to stand back up.

I knew fairly quickly that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Amal. When you know, you know! [We have] vowed to try never to spend a week apart. I’ve never been happier. You can’t imagine.”

George is obviously (I think) joking about being on his knee for 28 minutes. If he’s not, then he should’ve been helped up by two men in white coats, because he’s nuts. There are only a few good reasons to be on your knees that long and proposing to someone isn’t one of them. You should only be on your knees that long if you’re praying for something really important (examples: for George Clooney to shut about Amal already, for the Jem and the Holograms movie to be a really late April Fool’s joke, for Jell-o 1-2-3 to make a comeback, etc…) or if you’re sucking dick. But if you’re on your knees sucking the same dick for 28 minutes straight, then you should probably also pray for him to fucking cum before your jaw quits your mouth.

Here’s George at the Tomorrowland premiere in London a few days ago.


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