It was my understanding that rich people had pretty much the newest and best things you could ever think of. Automatic hands-free butt wiper? Sure. Gold-plated talking single-use toothbrush dispenser? Why not. But during an interview with fancy rich person magazine Town & Country, legendary eyebrow owner Jennifer Connelly shattered my very limited understanding of rich people by confessing that she recently bought her first computer. Yes, the year is still 2015 and no, you didn’t fall into a wormhole back to 1985.
In response to a joke that people send tweets instead of telegrams now, Jennifer admitted that her husband (sexy ginger Paul Bettany) tweets, but she doesn’t, because:
“I am Miss Analog. I bought my first computer just yesterday.”
According to Jennifer, she was forced to buy a MacBook Air after she smashed the shit out of her iPhone during a ski trip and hadn’t backed anything up. Wait, does she not realize that an iPhone is basically a PopTart-sized computer? Regardless, she also wanted you to know this:
“In college I wrote on an old typewriter.”
Blake Lively just fell in love. Jennifer, prepare to receive a hand-embroidered note on a pressed magnolia petal that says “Oh my god, you have no idea – I’ve ALWAYS wanted to tell people I used to use an old typewriter!”
I don’t know what took Sarah from Labyrinth so long to get a computer. Computers are great – they keep your lap warm if you use them too long. But it was kind of dumb of her to buy a computer now. I’m sure we’re only a year or two away from computers becoming something you implant in your ass crack, which means she’ll have learned how to hide her porn using a system of cleverly-named desktop folders for nothing.
Here’s more of Jennifer Connelly in Town & Country, and I’d like to know exactly what kind of deal she made with the Goblin King, because bitch does not age in the face: