The Hello Kitty Unicorn Butterfly Princess sang out “Vision of Love” and her Nick Cannon-dissing single “Infinity” at the Billboard Music Awards last night and after she took everyone to Costco by screaming out a high-note that sounded like a forklift, her longtime nemesis JLo clapped politely and made a face that said, “My hex is working.” (Meanwhile, Kylie Jenner was wondering where in the hell her obese gummy worm lips went. They look so regular-sized in that GIF.)
TMZ also has video of JLo scrolling through Instagram during part of Mimi’s performance. TMZ calls it “shade,” but I don’t think it’s shade. JLo was just doing a little business, that’s all. She was checking to see if her latest appliqués and pantyhose dress got enough attention. If it didn’t, she was planning to take it off backstage and come out wearing sequined nipple tassels and an elegant clit sock.
Some people on Twitter last night said that Mimi sounded messy. (Click here to see it.) I saw her show in Vegas on Saturday night and she sounded good to me, which was surprising. I’m surprised that she can breathe, let alone sing live. Mimi looked like she was encased in a Spanx cocoon and I’m sure that they vacuum sealed her into her costumes. On top of that, she wears 44-inch stilt shoes, so she can barely walk on her own and needs a dude to escort her fragile ass on and off the stage.
Mimi didn’t really have to sing during her show if she didn’t want to, because her loyal Lambs were doing it for her. Those Lambs went crazy for her ass. They were the North Korean female soldiers to her Kim Jong-un (but the lambs’ tears were real). I was hungallthewayover during Mimi’s show and nursed my hangover with more booze. So I was drunk and hungover at the same time (drunkover?). All I wanted to do was lounge in my seat and let Mimi entertain me with her unicorn yodeling, awkward walking and stories (she told us that she wrote one of her songs in a “woodshed“). But those damn Lambs wouldn’t let me lounge. They stood up for almost every single song. It’s as if they were Kim Kardashian and their seat had a hard, white dick on it. They didn’t want to touch that seat. So when they stood up, I had to stand up to see. They basically gave their Lamb Leader a 90-minute long standing ovation. They were so excited that I thought they were going to butt birth out a baby and throw it at her.
What I’m saying is that after the look JLo gave last night, she’s still the #1 enemy of the Lambs.
And here’s more of Mimi and JLo (in Beyonce cosplay) posing at the Billboard Music Awards.