For those of you who are reaching for your glasses and wondering who hired Robert Gimlin and the ghost of Roger Patterson to operate the cameras for the Billboard Music Awards, don’t worry – it’s not you. The above image is blurry because current film technology isn’t advanced enough to catch the ninja-like speed of Chrissy Teigen’s dress as it attempted to take out the poor woman walking behind her. Forget Taylor Swift and her gangly gang of suburban road warriors; Chrissy’s dress was the real deadly assassin at the BBMAs.
As Chrissy was walking to the stage with her co-host Ludacris, some woman tried to cut across behind her, but I guess she caught the back of Chrissy’s dress and instead of her ass landing in her seat, it landed on the floor. Unfortunately, Chrissy didn’t have time to be the wind beneath that lady’s wings and lift her ass off the ground, so she kept walking. Does anyone have an extra sweater? It just got COLD!
But Chrissy Teigen would like you to know she’s not a icy-hearted ho who enjoys watching clumsy tricks struggle all over the floor. According to Chrissy, Chrissy didn’t know there was a Code BOOM happening behind her.
I don’t know if Chrissy meant to be that profound, but “I was trying not to eat shit” is pretty much a perfect metaphor for life. It’s truly a shit-eat-shit world out there. Some days you’re watching shit get eaten, and some days you’re the one doing the shit eating. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go; all this talk about eating shit has given me a real craving for Taco Bell.
Here’s more of Chrissy before the BBMAs looking like the maître d’ of Pittsburgh’s classiest gentleman’s club, as well as a bunch of other famous types from last night, including Rita Ora (who looked like a stripper’s idea of what She-Ra is), Chris Brown and his kid, and ageless poutine chanteuse CELINE!!!