Basement Baby Came Prepared This Time

May 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Almost one year ago, Basement Baby went allFINISH HER!” on Jay Z in an elevator while leaving a Met Gala after-party. Well, at tonight’s Mess Gala, Basement Baby came prepared for war and Jay Z better not try shit.

To you, Basement Baby’s fucked-up dress may look like a CD that warped under the sun on a car’s dashboard. But to me, it looks like a shield of protection. If Jay Z tried to bring some Hunger Games shit on Basement Baby by shooting an arrow at her, that arrow would bounce right off of her dress. If Jay Z brought out his nunchucks and tried to take down Basement Baby, that shit would break right off as soon as he hit her dress. If Jay Z tried to punch Basement Baby in the chest, his knuckles would break on the crap she’s wearing.

Basement Baby is wearing a damn shield. If Jay Z tried any kind of shady shit, she could scream, “Everyone, get behind me,” before kicking at him. You can tell that Jay Z is scared too. Here he is at the Met Gala with Beyonce and you can definitely tell that he’s thinking to himself, “FUCK! Bitch wore a shield! So much for that taser I’ve got in my pocket.”


As for Beyonce’s dress… She looks like she dipped herself in Elmer’s glue and rolled around in some Fruity Pebbles and a bunch of broken Jolly Ranchers. Tomorrow, I better see some pictures of being Beyonce dragged out of the Met Gala by the FBI. Beyonce has gone too far with her acts of thievery this time. Beyonce committed felony theft tonight by stealing the look that international supermodel Phoebe Price wore to Elton John’s Oscar Party almost three whole months ago. Beyonce should be charged with blatantly thieving from Chicken Cutlets and for thinking that she could actually work it better. Somebody please CITIZEN’S ARREST her!

Pics: Getty, Splash, (Thanks @elmatthewcas)

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