Put on a helmet and brace yourself, because what I’m about to tell you will blow your mind and I don’t want you to spend your Sunday night scraping pieces of your blown mind off of the ceiling and wall. Are you ready? Reality TV is fake. Commencing mind blowing!
Some eyewitness type tells Radar that even those wholesome, do-gooding Duggars are committing the sin of lying by faking shit for storylines. Last month, the Duggars announced on Twitter that they were giving away free food to needy families at the Compassion Center in Springdale, Arkansas. They tweeted the day and time and when that day and time came, nobody showed up. I guess need families in Springdale don’t use Twitter, because not one person was in line. TLC’s cameras were there to shoot the act of charity, but there was no act of charity to shoot since no needy families came. You’d think that Michelle Duggar would think fast and say to one of her married kids, “Get knocked up now, because we need a storyline.” But instead of doing that, a producer for 19 Kids and Counting decided to stage the charity scene.
Radar’s witness claims that there was only one other family in the Compassion Center and they weren’t there to get free food from the Duggars. They were there to shop. The producers talked to the Martinez family and got them to agree to take free food from the Duggars on camera. The producers made the Martinez family sign releases. After the producers cast their “needy family,” Jessa Duggar and her husband Ben Seewald went to their truck to get the cardboard boxes full of food. Jessa and Ben must be bad at carrying boxes while walking into a store, because producers made them do it three times before they were happy with the shot.
The producers coached the Martinez family and told them to look really grateful while getting the food from the Duggars. While cameras were on, Jim Bob and Michelle talked to the Martinez family and he talked about how he grew up poor. One of the Duggar sons then carried the box of food out to the Martinez’s car. But once the cameras turned off, someone from production pulled the box out of the Martinez’s car and put it back in the Duggar’s truck.
Pimp Mama Kris doesn’t know whether to worship at the Duggars’ shameless feet or vow to destroy them for stealing her tricks. In the Duggars’ defense, I think I read in a tell-all book about the Bible that Jesus once gave his last piece of bread to a starving man while the cameras were rolling and yanked that piece of bread out of the starving man’s mouth as soon as the cameras turned off.
But if this is really true, then how can I believe anything the Duggars do? What’s next? Radar’s going to tell us that the laundry detergent the Duggars make is really Tide? And then they’re going to tell us that Michelle Duggar doesn’t really like kids and is a bi-sexual feminist who is on the pill and lives with her boyfriend and girlfriend in a loft in Bushwick when they’re not shooting. Everything is a lie!