If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like if Katy Perry was a contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race and chose Amazonian Clorox Goddess Brigitte Nielsen as her Snatch Game character, here’s Katy Perry on the cover of Wonderland (aka the magazine that makes famous types look nothing like themselves) looking just like that. Although if I were Ru (how dare I even, I know), this is the part where I’d be telling Katy to “sashay away” for failing to capture Brigitte’s struggling-to-stay-awake sleepy-eyed essence.
Katy recently posted 4 shots from this month’s issue to Instagram, and they all look – and I mean this in the best way possible – like the ’80s took a giant coked-up dump on them. The first two shots are of Katy in that greasy blonde wig looking like Brigitte Nielsen auditioning for the part of Gozer the Gozerian in Ghostbusters, the third is of her in a red wig looking like Katherine Helmond-meets-Elvira Hancock-meets-quaaludes, and last is of Katy looking like Strawberry Shortcake’s snobby rich bitch cousin from Manhattan, Crystal Goblet. Actually, that’s a pretty hot name. I’d like to know more about this Crystal Goblet character I just made up. I bet she totally has a white poodle named Bark-arat and refers to everyone as “you there.”