Paging Cesar Milan! Paging Cesar Milan!

May 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Pictured here is a pampered princess with a rhinestone-encrusted asshole who will bite for blood if you touch her with your peasant hand. Next to her is a dog named Samantha who will also bite for blood if you touch her with your peasant hand.

One of my pet peeves (I am not proud of that pun) is handsy, rude strangers who think the world is their own personal petting zoo and they can touch my dog without asking. Trick, you don’t know my dog’s life! My dog has never snapped at a stranger who creeps into his personal space and that may or may not having something to do with me whispering the words, “If you snap at someone, you’ll have to go live with Cesar Milan,” into his ear every time we watch The Dog Whisperer together. Whenever a stranger pets my dog without asking, I want to bite their hand. It’s not like he’s wearing a sign that reads “Touch Me If You Want To.” I’m the one wearing that sign on my forehead, not him. But anyway, the flight attendant in this story learned the hard way that sometimes petting a stranger’s dog without asking can put you in the ER.

Page Six says that on Tuesday, Barbra Streisand and her luxurious pooch Samantha were flying from NYC to DC on a private jet owned by billionaire Ron Perelman. Samantha was luxuriously lounging on a chair when a flight attendant decided to come over and pet the 12-year-old Coton de Tulear. (Side note: That breed’s name is so fancy that my pinky finger went up while typing it.) The flight attendant didn’t do that thing where you let the dog sniff the back of your hand before petting them. When she put her hand on Samantha, that fancy ball of white fluff responded by biting her. That is the international sign for “Look, Don’t Touch, Bitch.” And you thought Heather Cho was the most dangerous bitch on a plane.

The bite was so deep that the flight attendant needed stitches in her hand. I’m surprised Babs didn’t feel that cut with liquid buttah by serenading the flight attendant’s hand with a song. Barbra immediately apologized to both Ron and the flight attendant. Her rep gave this statement:

“This never happened before and Barbra apologized profusely to the flight attendant.”

I smell a lawsuit…or maybe my dog farted again.

A source also said (no, they didn’t) that once they landed, Barbra immediately took Samantha to a vet. No, Barbra didn’t have Samantha put to sleep. She had her teeth replaced with porcelain veneers because they got tainted with the blood of a peasant!

Pic: Animal Fair

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