Archives: May 2015

Open Post: Hosted By Amber Rose’s Bleached Eyebrow Situation

May 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Amazonian snu snu stripper goddess Amber Rose usually has a pretty on-point eyebrow game, but for some reason she showed up to the Memorial Day Weekend party she was hosting in Las Vegas last night looking like this. Amber, for where are your eyebrows??? It’s like two drunk caterpillars fell asleep in the hot Daytona Beach sun during spring break and woke up looking all faded and bleached out, like Powder from Powder. It’s weird how much eyebrows define a person’s face; I almost didn’t recognize Amber Rose. Then again, maybe that was on purpose so her ex-husband doesn’t spot her this weekend and start some drama.

To be honest, I don’t totally hate Amber Rose without eyebrows. With those bright red lips and no eyebrows and bald head, she sort of looks like a What’s Her Face doll that someone forgot to finish. I’m also getting a younger, sluttier, balder Susan from Milton Bradley’s Guess Who?, and really, who wouldn’t want to look like Susan? She was clearly the hottest card in the game.

Here’s more of Amber strutting for a check last night in Vegas. I never really looked that closely at Amber’s tattoos, but it looks like she has two pugs on her left shoulder. Please tell me that’s a tribute to the Batman Pugs.



Bobby Flay Says A Bad Boob Job Is The Reason Stephanie March Is Causing Prenup Drama

May 23, 2015 / Posted by:

While his leprechaun relatives back home are spending the day chugging celebratory cans of Guinness in honor of Ireland giving the thumbs up to same-sex marriage, the leprechaun chef of New York Bobby Flay is still frantically trying to keep his pot of gold away from his soon-to-be ex-wife Stephanie March.

Last week it was reported that Stephanie was trying to get the prenup she signed back in 2005 thrown in the trash because she claimed she was owed a bunch of money from Bobby for tasting his food and making an iPod playlist for his restaurants. According to TMZ, Stephanie has also added that she felt she was owed more money than they prenup provided ($5,000 a month) because she was frequently sick and couldn’t work. Stephanie says she had a burst appendix and 3 deep infections that prevented her from adding credits to her IMDB page.

But Bobby swatted back at Stephanie’s attempt to #getmoneybitch by telling a judge her infections were the result of a bad boob job, and therefore, not his problem. He sort of played the same hand fellow Food Network chef Guy Fieri plays when someone gets the barfs after eating his gross food; sort of a “It’s not my fault you ate something called Donkey Sauce” angle. Of course, Stephanie kept the drama going by claiming that Bobby’s alleged cheating have “compromised her health and mental state.

Christ on a cracker Mario Batali’s Crocs, this divorce is getting all kinds of dirty, and it sounds like it’s never going to end. Really, the only way I can see this being settled is if they take this mess to Chopped and let Ted Allen and not-the-one Chopped judge Aarón Sánchez decide who is less of a mess. Your mystery basket ingredients are: a prenup, a print out of sexts between Bobby Flay and a Food Network intern, an apron that smells like chorizo, the saline from a leaky breast implant, and a tub of Fage yogurt. You have thirty minutes to prepare an argument for the judges for why you deserve money. And GO!

Gwyneth Paltrow And Tracy Anderson Are Hustling Food Now

May 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Trust me, we’ll make a killing. I mean, who wouldn’t want to buy a $35 dehydrated lotus root cracker smeared with a tapenade of hand-mashed organic grass? My parched mouth is practically watering just thinking about it!

Good news, everyone who loves gluten-free fat-free soy-free dairy-free moisture-free low-calorie food-style edible substances and has a fuckload of money burning a hole in their wallet: Gwyneth Paltrow has branched out into the pre-made food business! Gwyneth, along with the Marcie to her Peppermint Patty, Tracy Anderson, and their business partner Maria Baum have launched a food take-out company called 3 Green Hearts. I bet Goopy thought up that name during a meeting with her cardiologist. “You need to take it easy on the kale, Ms. Paltrow – your heart is almost 98% chlorophyll.


TLC Might Yank Josh Duggar Off 19 Kids & Counting

May 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Ugh. Even when he’s nothing but a solid-white blob with a question mark over his face, Josh Duggar still manages to give me the creeps.

I’ve started to develop some major tears in my neck muscles, on account of all the chronic NOPE-style head shaking this gross mess with Josh Duggar has caused. But my neck isn’t the only thing that has gotten sore; my eyes are also cramping up at the amount of times they’ve hard-stared at TLC in an “Are you going to do anything about this?” way. So far, all TLC has done is release a statement saying they’re sad for the family and victims and that they’re pulling all episodes of 19 Kids & Counting off the air. Now TMZ says TLC is thinking about pulling more than just episodes.

According to “connected industry sources“, TLC is weighing their options when it comes to 19 Kids & Counting. One option is to flat-out cancel the show, but that probably won’t happen, because the only thing TLC likes more than families who disclose their shady pasts before they get on camera is cold hard cash. TLC also believes the Josh Duggar molestation scandal wouldn’t affect viewership, since it’s pretty clear they still have a huge evangelical fan base who would keep watching the show. However, they are worries that companies might pull their advertising dollars.

So their second option is to take a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to Josh Duggar and his family and completely take him out of the show. Accoriding to the sources, nobody really gives a shit about Josh anyway and viewers only care about the girls, like Jill and Jessa. Apparently option No. 2 is the one that is looking best to TLC.

But what I really want to know is how TLC plans on writing (yes writing – we all know that shit is as fake as a Kardashian’s ass) Josh Duggar off the show. Will he die in an unfortunate botulism accident from improperly sterilized pickle jars? Or maybe they’ll pull a Poochie and send him back to his home planet on a flying can of Aqua Net hairspray, never to been seen or heard of again.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 23, 2015 / Posted by:

The big double gay rainbow that decorated the sky above Dublin yesterday as Ireland voted on same-sex marriage!

Ireland, the glorious land of B*Witched, hippo riders, Graham Norton, A+++ eyebrow situations and one of my favorite blossoms Layla Flaherty, has pretty much made the torture device known as marriage legal for everyone! YAY! All of the votes haven’t been counted yet, but it looks like a landslide victory for the YAAASSS! side.

The people of Ireland were asked to vote on whether or not their country’s constitution should be amended to allow same-sex marriage. The BBC says that government ministers have already said that it will pass and the No side has already done the “Fuck, We Lost” shuffle of defeat. Reportedly, 70 percent of the voters in Dublin voted “yes.”

If the change goes through, which it probably will, Ireland will become the first country in the history of forever to make same-sex marriage legal through popular vote. It’s been a little over 20 years since Ireland decriminalized homosexuality.

As Buzzfeed points out, several people on Twitter posted pictures of rainbows that formed while everyone voted. It was Mother Nature voting YES twice! I’m sure that if you followed that rainbow to the end, you’ll find a bunch of gay leprechauns celebrating by dropping their leprechaun asses to the dance remix of a Westlife song.

And now I’m off to celebrate by eating a traditional Irish breakfast (aka a gigantic bowl of Lucky Charms and beer)!

Pic: @karltims


Birthday Sluts

May 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Joan Collins (82)
Heidi Range (32)
Lane Garrison (35)
Kelly Monaco (39)
Ken Jennings (41)
Jewel (41)
Maxwell (42)
Eric Nies (44)
Guinevere Turner (47)
Melissa McBride (50)
Tom Tykwer (50)
Karen Duffy (53)
Lea DeLaria (57)
Drew Carey (57)
Linda Thompson (65)
Charles Kimbrough (79)


Night Crumbs

May 22, 2015 / Posted by:

Leonardo DiCatchAHo, the Godfather of the Pussy Posse, held court at the amfAR gala in Cannes where he graciously allowed a camera to take in his greatness. But you probably barely noticed him, because you were too busy worshiping the stunning eyebrows hovering above him – Lainey Gossip 

HIDE YO MACADAMIA NUTS IN A BAG! The Rage Queen of the Air, Heather Cho, is free! – HuffPo

Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield’s break is over – Celebitchy

Jennifer Love Hewitt is still pregnant and I’m pretty sure she’s entering her 6th trimester. How very Jessica Simpson of her, I know. – Drunken Stepfather

Presenting the new definition for “Of Fucking Course” – Towleroad

A strange thing happened, the paps actually showed up when Alexis Bellino, formerly of The Real Housewives of Orange County, called them – Egotastic!

The most busted down, low-rent Michael Jackson, E.T. in drag and Demi Moore impersonators went out to dinner together – Reality Tea

Peta Nemcova’s nipple almost came out to play but decided that it just wasn’t ready for its close up – The Superficial  

Reason #567,999 for why John Mayer is a b-hole – WWTDD

I like Vanessa Hudgens’ ensemble here. That is the second time I’ve typed that sentence in a month. I’m beginning to worry about myself – Popoholic

Need to cut some stone? Cut them on Chris Pratt’s hard, wet nipples – Boy Culture

Model Nicole Trunfio is breastfeeding her baby on the cover of Elle Australia and that’s great and everything, but couldn’t they have went with a picture where she wasn’t making a derp farty face? – Jezebel

I want Jason Statham on my face, but not like this – Pajiba

That bulldog looks like me when I go up to a guy and his friends at a gay bar – Hollywood Tuna 

It’s man nipple time! – The Berry 

And if you need more man nipples, here’s a topless Stephen Amell in Spain - Just Jared

Our Lady of Cheetos and Tyson Beckford reunited in Vegas – Popsugar

Pic: Getty


The Olsens Aren’t Going To Be In Fuller House

May 22, 2015 / Posted by:

After the Netflix reboot that EVERYONE (aka just me) asked for was announced, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen played like nobody talked to them about it. John Stamos must know that Greek yogurt is like Kryptonite to a bohemian forest troll, because he risked his life by calling them liars. The Olsens said that they were going to talk to Bob Saget about it . Their conversation probably went something like this:

Bob Saget: So are you guys going to do it?

Olsens: Bleheheheheheheheheh!! *click*

The executive producer of Fuller House tells The Wrap that the Olsens will not join Kimmy Gibbler, Stephanie Tanner, DJ Tanner, Uncle Jesse and Joey in the reboot. They have decided that they didn’t want to take time away from running their fashion empire. Translation: They are way too good and way too rich for that shit.

“Although Ashley and Mary-Kate will not be a part of ‘Fuller House,’ I know how much ‘Full House’ has meant to them and they are still very much considered family. It has been exciting to see how they have built their professional careers, and I support their choice to focus on their fashion brands and various business endeavors. I appreciate their support and good wishes towards ‘Fuller House.’”

Sure, the producers could always get The Conjuring doll to play a grown up Michelle, but it wouldn’t be the same. The Conjuring doll is way too alive in the eyes and so not scary enough to play an Olsen.


The Kelly Rutherford Custody Battle Has Gotten Messier (Yes, That’s Possible)

May 22, 2015 / Posted by:

As everyone who’s been following this batshit crazy custody saga knows, Kelly Rutherford from Gossip Girl and more importantly Melrose Place, has been fighting hard to get her kids Hermes and Helena back into the US. They’ve been living with their father Daniel Giersch (seen above giving you “preppy twink J. Crew assistant manager” realness with Kelly during happier times) in Monaco since 2012. A judge in California let Daniel, who is a German citizen, take the kids to Monaco, because his US Visa was revoked after someone on Kelly’s legal team reportedly decided to play a little dirty by telling the State Department about his alleged shady business dealings. Kelly denies this. Daniel is supposed to reapply for a US Visa, but he hasn’t yet.

Kelly has taken the case all the way to the federal level where it was denied. Now, she’s trying to get the White House and President Obama involved. With Kim Kartrashian’s help, she got over 100,000 signatures on her petition to get her kids back. Kelly has also been doing the media rounds and will fart at the mouth about this to anyone who puts a mic in front of her. Well, something she said to TMZ has kept her from seeing her kids in Monaco.



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