In “faces you forgot existed” news, Kris Humphries, one of the Geico cavemen’s slower cousins whose marriage to Kim Kartrashian lasted about as long as a pussy sneeze, watched Bruce Jenner’s big coming out last night and had something to say about it.
Many people pulled out their pitchforks and were ready to drag the Shrek version of Taylor Lautner, because they thought he was yanking at Bruce Jenner’s main. (Pro tip: If you want to destroy Kris Humphries. You don’t need to use a weapon. Just ask him to divide 4 into 12 and watch as his head slowly explodes.) But I didn’t take it as a Bruce dig. I took his tweet as a Kuntrashian dig.
After the Internet tore him a new one, he tried to clear shit up:
I think the real story here is that this pube-brained douche used the word “hence in a tweet and didn’t use any emojis. I would be offended over something Kim Kartrashian’s second husband of five seconds said, but I’m too busy being offended and disgusted over my nearest Starbucks being all out of old-fashioned donuts this morning. Now that is some shit to start a petition for.
And here’s Kummy Kakes looking like an alien cult leader at Variety’s Power of Women luncheon in NYC yesterday.