Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Kristina Karo, the exquisite Ukrainian chrysanthemum who should really teach an entire course at The Learning Annex on how to properly fame whore and set yourself apart from the other fame whores in a world full of shameless fame whores!

This demure blossom, who looks like she sprouted out of the ground after someone planted an acid tab and poured Faygo and glow stick juice on it, knows that attention whores are a penny a dozen nowadays and you really have to reach high for the fame whore stars to get hos to look at you. So Kristina Karo thought to herself, “I know! I’ll sue Mila Kunis for emotional distress because she stole my chicken named Doggie in the Ukraine 25 years ago!” Voila! Instant TMZ post!

TMZ says that KK filed a completely serious and one hundred percent legit lawsuit against Mila Kunis, claiming that she’s a heartless chicken-stealing thief. KK says that 25 years ago, she and Mila were best friends forever in the Ukraine and the only other living thing she was closer to was her chicken named Doggie. She named the chicken Doggie because it acted like a dog. Little 6-year-old Mila also loved Doggie and would always go over KK’s house to play with the chicken dog. One day, Doggie the chicken went missing and KK has always suspected that evil Mila Kunis was the chicken-knapper. As the years went by, KK would sit by her window at night and sing, “Somewhere Out There,” hoping that Doggie was singing that same song back to her.

KK suppressed the emotional trauma from losing Doggie for years, but it all poured out when she moved to the US. Since Mila lives in L.A. and she lives in L.A., the wounds opened up and the sad emotions oozed out of her. KK is suing Mila for causing her emotional distress. She wants $5k for her therapy bills.

YES! KK can now say she’s living the American dream, because you aren’t truly living the American dream until you sue a trick for kidnapping your chicken 25 years ago. This sounds like some shit the cracked out Foster Farms chickens would pitch as the plot for the next Muppet movie. You’re probably looking at that picture of KK and guessing that she moved to America to teach the word of the Bible to orphans, but you’re wrong. This beauty, who is giving me “Pete Burns as a day-shift stripper at a Tank Girl-themed strip club” is a pop superstar!

KK’s YouTube channel is a treasure trove of refined entertainment, so you should definitely spend some time there, but here’s a taste of her talents. If you put Xtina’s video for “Dirrty” in a dirty blender and blended in equal parts class, refinement and a heaping serving of Cotton Eye Joe, you’d get this.

This is Home Depot lot lizard glamour to the extreme! Kristina Karo is the Euros of Hollywood cast member of my dreams.

Of course, Mila and her douche stick of a husband are laughing at KK’s lawsuit. In their video response, Mila and Ashton basically call KK a fame whore liar. Mila is thinking of countersuing because KK’s video burned her eyes and hurt her body. The air of jealousy is wafting off of that chicken thief. Mila is probably telling the truth about her burnt eyes and bruised body. The sight of KK’s beauty and glamour burned Mila’s retinas. And Mila bruised her own body by throwing herself on the floor and flailing around in a jealous rage because she knows she’ll never have as much talent as the childhood friend she wronged!

As for what happened to that chicken. I heard that Mila shaved the chicken and raised her as a human. The chicken eventually got away from Mila and changed its name from Doggie to Phoebe Price! Now that is the truth.

(Thanks to everyone who sent this in)

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