The Madewell Version Of Robsten Are Officially Over

April 22, 2015 / Posted by:

After several weeks of nervously clutching their brass prayer beads, your 15-year old Teen Vogue-reading cousins can finally let out that long wail of sadness and pour out a bottle of Marc Jacobs Daisy perfume onto a pair of their favorite high-waisted black skinny jeans, because UsWeekly says their pseudo-hipster Prince and Princess, Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield, are OVER. It was originally reported that Blythe’s ginger cousin and Baby Bob Ross were on a break (yes I just re-read that in Ross’s voice), but now a “source” is saying they’ve officially called it quits on each other:

“[She’s] ended things and moved back to L.A. It’s finished. It’s not just a break.”

Another “source” (damn those gossipy blabbermouths at Madewell) claims that Andrew’s commitment to method acting as a 17th-century Jesuit for Martin Scorsese’s upcoming film Silence was one of the reasons she packed up her ankle boots and left:

“He’d been in a dark place for months, getting into his role. He wasn’t being the best partner.”

My only knowledge of Jesuits comes from what I learned during a high school class trip to a place called Sainte-Marie among the Hurons, and all I really remember is a blacksmith named Steve who was a dead ringer for Dean from FUBAR, so I don’t know if pretending to be a Jesuit is a deal-breaker or not. But I’ll assume so, since method acting anything from the 17th-century probably means smelling like hot swamp ass. They didn’t have ‘poo back in the 17th-century, right? No wonder he’s been in a dark place! I would be too if I kept catching whiffs of toxic stank mouth and realized it was coming from my beard.

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