Hot Slut Of The Day!

The Rejuvenique Facial Mask, the mask that electrocutes your face to youthful beauty while making you look like a serial killer who regularly stalks teenagers at campsites.

The Blair Witch Project was the highest grossing horror movie of 1999, but that shit had absolutely nothing on the most terrifying horror show of that year. The infomercial for the Rejuvenique Facial Mask of Terror played in the late 90s and every time it played I had to scream for an adult. Even Hannibal Lecter had to turn on the lights and dial his mommy. The come-to-life Baccarat swan that is Krystle Carrington (aka Linda Evans) hosted that infomercial and I’m not saying that using the Rejuvenique mask later gave her Saw face, but it may have given her Saw face.

That horrifying Eyes Wide Shut mask has tiny gold anal beads on the inside and those anal beads deliver some kind of light pulsations to your face. The dude in the infomercial tells Linda Evans that wearing the mask is like doing sit-ups with your face. The image of a face doing sit-ups is even more terrifying than the image of anyone in that nightmare mask. It’s supposed to leave your face skin as tight as the asshole of a trick who sees you wearing that mask. I don’t know if it works, but I bet it really helps with constipation. If someone in your life is suffering from the hard shits, just put on the Rejuvenique Facial Mask, sneak up behind them and BOOM! Instant wet shit!

Here’s the infomercial that can turn anyone into a crazed killer. I mean, you’d want to kill someone if your face was getting electrocuted all the time.

The good news is, you can still buy this lunatic murderer mask today. It’s only $183! It has a lot of 5-star reviews (I now know what Linda Evans has been up to), but it also has many 1-star reviews including this one:

I received a burn on my face from this product. I still have a scar from it two years later. I wouldnt reccomend it to anyone. I think it’s dangerous and should be taken off the market.

Yeah, but is that scar bigger than the emotional scars their family has thanks to seeing them in that death mask of doom?!