Tom Cruise gets all the credit for being the reigning Empress of Scientology and I know he’s allegedly David Miscavige’s sugar daddy, but that trick really has nothing on John Travolta. If there is such thing as the Empress of Scientology pageant, then this year’s crown (which probably looks like this) needs to sit on top of John Travolta’s luxurious beaver tail wig. Because while Tommy Girl is keeping his mouth lips shut about Going Clear, the wigged one has put on his fightin’ wig and is defending Scientology like he has to or they’ll expose his secrets. Oh, wait…
John has already said that if Going Clear came on the TV at Planet Fitness at 3am, he’d close his eyes, plug his ears and sing, “Lalalalala I’m not listening lalalalala.” John is not going to watch that fairy tale Going Clear and during an interview with Good Morning America to promote his new movie The Forger, he continued to let it be known that Scientology is better than two-steppin’ with Olivia Newton-John. As GMA’s Amy Robach asked questions about Going Clear, David Miscavige probably telepathically sent John images of him holding an unlit match and a gas holder in John’s wig room. So John stayed on script.
On why there’s so much interest in Scientology: Mostly because it’s not understood. People really need to take the time to read a book. You know, that’s my advice. Uh, you can read New Slant on Life. You can read Dianetics. I think if you really read it, you’ll understand it. But unless you do, you’ll speculate. I think that’s a mistake to do that.
On why Scientology has so many hating haters: Sometimes when something really works well, it becomes a target. 40 years for me, I’ve been part of it. I’ve loved every minute of it. And my family has done so well with it. It’s a beautiful thing for me. I’ve saved lives with it. I’ve saved my own life several times. Through my loss of my son, it helped me every step of the way for 2 years solid. Here I am, talking to you because of it.
If by “really works well,” he means really works well at pushing him so far into the closet that he’s part of the drywall, then he’s totally right. But really, he’s also right about gaining an understanding of Scientology if you read Dianetics. I haven’t read the whole thing, but I read a couple of chapters at Barnes & Noble once and it helped me understand how batshit crazy that shit is. It’s like a sci-fi world salad. But I see John Travolta trying to recruit new members by telling people to read Diarrhetic (typo and it stays). I’m surprised he also didn’t say, “And when you order Dianetics from the Scientology online store, make sure you enter the code ‘LRONSHOMEGIRL’ so I get credit.”