Hot Slut Of The Day!

Car Window Garfield!

On the last episode of Veep, President Selena took my mind all the way back when she name dropped Car Window Garfield while bitching out Gary. I hadn’t thought about Car Window Garfield in years and I punched my skull, because I wanted to punish my brain for not remembering such an important piece of my life. Actually, now that I think about it, if I wanted to punish my brain I would’ve watched a Kim Kardashian interview. But enough about a trick who got famous by sucking on things, let’s pay homage to this trick who got famous by sucking on things.

When Garfield was the hottest pussy around in the 80s, you could find him stuck to the window of every other car. You couldn’t turn around without seeing a sun-faded Garfield looking coked up out of his mind while clinging to a car window with those suction cups on his paws. Those bulging eyes and grinding teeth. Lasagna isn’t his drug of choice. It’s coke! He looked like a strung out pussy trying to jump out of the car to get his next fix. I loved him. My mom got one for her car and I know she didn’t want to. She probably got sick of me begging for a stupid ass Car Window Garfield and if I begged one more time, she was going to throw herself out the car window, so she finally got one. I bet she took it down whenever I wasn’t in the car.

I don’t really remember exactly when Car Window Garfield vanished from the streets, but I haven’t seen one in centuries. I bet they’re all in the backroom of a Goodwill warehouse, plotting and waiting for the day when they’ll get revenge on humanity for throwing them away like a used condom. One day, we’ll all get up in the morning and scream as dozens of Car Window Garfields cling to our bedroom windows and stare at us with those STAINS on crack eyes. The revenge of the Car Window Garfield is coming!