This year’s Coachella has been a major snoozefest. All last weekend, I had my hands clasped together, praying for some classic Coachella fashion fuckery, like a bikini top made out of fake prayer beads and whatever it’s called when you dampen your skin and pour sand on it (raise your hands if you ever traced a peace sign on your arm in spit and covered it with playground sand in middle school), or cut-off jean shorts that are basically a denim waistband with a modesty zipper.
Thankfully, someone stepped up to the WTF plate this weekend, and that person is wealthy teenage cosmic thetan philosopher Jaden Smith. Because Jaden Smith doesn’t have to worry about bullshit like school or homework or part-time jobs, he was able to dedicate his full attention to curating (you know he uses that word) his best Coachella look, which I’m guessing by this picture is tea cozy Lana Del Rey trust fund raver toddler hedgehog. But speaking of that flower crown…I thought Jaden was supposed to be some high-fashion savant? Why in the world is he wearing a flower crown? Didn’t those things get buried in Coachella’s hipster graveyard back in 2013? Maybe he’s doing it to be ~ironic~. If so, I eagerly await the day he decides to bring back YOLO shirts and neon plastic shutter shades.