Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 18, 2015 / Posted by:

La Cuatro (as played by Gloria Benavides) from Sábado Gigante!

I didn’t leave my house yesterday, but I’m sure the streets were filled with weeping abuelitas and old tias who were wailing while wearing black lace veils over their heads as they mourned the death of the heart of Univision. Univision dropped forty five hundred gallons of pure sad yesterday when they announced that after 53 years of existing, they are killing the iconic three-hour variety show SAH-BAH-DOE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-GONE-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Its last episode will air on September 19th. Sábado Gigante made its debut on Chilean television in 1962 and after it took Latin America by hurricane (saying “by storm” feels like an understatement) it moved its production to Miami in 1986 and Univision started producing it. It has played every Saturday night for forever and tens of millions of people in 40 countries watch it. It set a Guinness World Record for the longest-running variety show in history. And soon it will be over.

The Los Angeles Times says that Don Francisco (born name: Mario Luis Kreutzberger Blumenfeld), who created the show and has hosted it since the beginning, made the decision in 2012 to end the show in 2015. His old ass is ready to retire and he wanted to go out when the show was still on top. He plans to still host specials and produce new shows for Univision. As millions of abuelitas prayed in front of their santo candles and wondered if there really is a GOD, Don Francisco released this statement about the death of a legendary show:

“I have no words to thank our viewers for the support, loyalty and enthusiasm with which they have honored us through the years and which have allowed the show to become an unprecedented success in the history of this medium.” ….”From the start we made sure to ask, ‘What does the audience want?!’ And we have worked tirelessly for precisely that audience, with the utmost dedication, humility and deep respect. I have no words to acknowledge all the recognition and applause that we have received over the years. When we began in the United States in 1986, we told them that we were ‘separated by distance and united by the same language.’ Today I can say with great pride and satisfaction that that distance turned into closeness and affection.”

I used to watch this show with my abuelita and I really didn’t know what they were saying, but every time she laughed, I laughed and every time she fell asleep and started snoring (which was usually about 30 minutes into that shit), I took my ass to the other room to watch something else. The character I remember loving the most, besides Dr. Cosabella, was La Cuatro! La Cuatro has hair like a Charo impersonator, a face that was cut from the same gorgeous cloth as Sally Struthers and she always wears the most glamorous of apron dresses, because she’s always ready to serve up some true entertainment. Her thing is to always interrupt Don Francisco during the show to deliver some much-needed TALENT. This is a newer clip, so I haven’t seen it, but it confirms to me that La Cuatro really needs her own headlining show in Vegas. Brit Brit, Mimi, Celine who?

RIP Sábado Gigante. I guess this means that Saturdays will also be no more because how can there be Saturday without Sábado Gigante. After September 19th, our weekends will be one day long and we’ll jump directly from Friday to Sunday. Blame Don Francisco. And long live La Cuatro!

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