Night Crumbs

April 17, 2015 / Posted by:

Matthew McConaughey’s beard has taken a life of its own and it looks like it’s eating his face. The Texas T-Rex (who kind of looks like this wooden Jesus statue my abuelita kept on top of her TV) needs to quickly shave it off before it eats his eyes! He can give me his beard shavings afterward, because you know you’d get a new kind of stoned if you smoked that shit – Lainey Gossip 

Dear Lassie dog in the background, tip that hillbilly chipmunk while you have the chance! Tip her! – Drunken Stepfather

Somebody really needs to start a charity for poor enslaved millionaire Shia LaDoucheCelebitchy

The plot for Kandi’s Ski Trip is very “The Shining” and Mama Joyce is the Jack Nicholson role, of course – Reality Tea 

So Just Jack and his husband did this… – Towleroad

I don’t know what people are talking about. I think Selena Gomez has looked great ever since she lost that 110 pounds of douche she was carrying around – The Superficial 

Olivia Wilde serving up some 60s Midwestern librarian chic – Popoholic

It’s Shirtless Friday again and this time there’s a special fluffy guest (No, I’m not talking about a pube bush. This time.) – The Berry 

Miley Cyrus took her Justin Bieber hair for a hike – Hollywood Tuna 

That hot bitch who was on Nashville and is on Game of Thrones now has an ass and this is what it looks like – OMG Blog

Tidal’s CEO took the next wave out of there – Jezebel

Today in “Sure, Jan, Josh Hartnett says he turned down Superman, Spider-Man and Batman – IDLYITW

In case you need to be reminded that Betty White’s still got it and has got it better than all of us – SOW

The doctors coming for Dr. Oz will be getting an ALL-CAPS, curse-filled text of rage from his number one fan, my mom, as soon as she figures out how to text the doctors coming for Dr. Oz – HuffPo

Are there Hobbits in Game of Thrones? – ICYDK

They say that Kylie Jenner is on the cover of Teen Vogue, but where? Because that’s not Kylie Jenner on the cover – Just Jared 

Borat and Isla Fisher named their kid “Montgomery Moses,” which sounds like an old-timey phrase that people would say instead of “Jesus Christ.” I’ll put it in a sentence: “Montgomery Moses, Ethel, the cows ran off again!” – Popsugar

Pic: Getty

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