And no, it has nothing to do with Papa John impregnating a woman with a half-human, half-pepperoni baby (I wish); I just wanted to use a picture of Maury Povich giving the kind of stank face I picture he gives Connie Chung after discovering she accidentally threw out his last box of Touch of Gray by Just for Men.
Foxy paternity-testing salt & pepper pop-pop (don’t judge me) Maury Povich did a Reddit AMA yesterday, and one of the questions he was asked was what he thought was the most memorable moment on his show. Based on my Raymond Babbitt-like knowledge of Maury episodes, I assumed Maury would answer either every time dude busted out a next-level not-the-father end zone dance or the time one of his staffers dressed up like a giant tampon to cure a bitch of her cotton ball fear, because those are some memories that will never die. But according to Maury, it was the WTF results of a paternity test for twins:
“It’s happened twice. A woman accused a guy of being the father of her twins. And when I opened the envelope —and I don’t know the answers before anybody else does —he was the father of one of the twins, but not the other. And they were fraternal twins. And science says that’s a million-to-one shot, that there could be two fathers of twins. And it’s happened twice. So the million-to-one shot has come in twice. And that’s the most surprised I ever was.”
I knew that shit could happen to cats. But people? And can those babies even technically be considered twins? That’s more like two half-siblings sharing a room at the same time. I dunno, science is confusing – especially for someone whose sole source of human fertilization information is Maury.
But I think the thing that’s most shocking about that story is learning that those paternity tests on Maury are real. I’m truly shocked!