It’s A Sad, Dark, Scary Day For Gold Diggers Everywhere

April 15, 2015 / Posted by:

Today, gold diggers everywhere are liquidating all their gifts from their married sugar daddies and sugar mamis and hiding that money far, far away, because a disgusting, gross, unjustified, anti-gold digging precedent has been set! Gold diggers better make sure that all gifts from their married pieces come in the form of cash and are off the books. Gold diggers better tattoo the words “CASH ONLY” over their fuck parts, because the game has been threatened.

The Associated Press reports that V. Stiviano, the visor-wearing gold digging alien who exposed former Clippers owner Donald Sterling as a racist, bloated wart that fell off of Jabba the Hutt’s asshole, has been ordered by an anti-gold digger judge in Los Angeles to give back the millions he gave to her as gifts. Donald Sterling’s estranged wife Shelly Sterling became gold digger enemy #1 when she demanded in a lawsuit against V. Stiviano that all of the gifts her husband gave his side piece be returned to her. Donald bought V. Stiviano all kinds of lavish shit like fancy cars, a $1.8 million house in Beverly Hills, designer purses, jewelry, stocks, etc… etc… Shelly was not fucking around, because in the list of gifts in dispute she included a $1 donation to St. Jude’s and a birthday cake. Shelly claimed that Donald gave V $3.6 million in gifts since 2010. She asked a judge to force V to repay $2.8 million of that. The judge sided with her.

Shelly’s lawyer argued that she and Donald were married at the time and so all the gifts he gave V count as community property. Shelly obviously didn’t sign off on any of the gifts Donald gave his side piece. V. Stiviano’s lawyer tried to argue that Shelly and Donald were separated at the time so the gifts he gave her shouldn’t count as community property. The judge took Shelly’s side and ordered V. Stiviano to pay her $2.6 million. Shelly’s lawyers used the audio that V. Stiviano leaked to the media against her. In the recordings, Donald Sterling spewed out all kinds of racist foolery, but he also discussed all the gifts he gave V.

As gold diggers dropped their shovels to shake with fear, Shelly’s lawyer celebrated outside of the court room:

“Shelly is thrilled with the decision,” attorney Pierce O’Donnell said. “This is certainly a victory for the Sterling family whose funds were dissipated by Donald to lavish millions of dollars of gifts on a conniving mistress.”

V’s lawyer said that they will appeal.

Shelly got control of the Clippers last year after a big legal fight with her estranged husband. She later sold it for $2 billion to that Microsoft dude.

Revenge is a scorned wife named Shelly Sterling. Shelly doesn’t need the money, but she obviously needs to feel the sweet satisfaction of taking her husband’s side piece down. V. Stiviano better put on her best wooin’ visor and hit the stroll hard, because she’s going to need to find an unmarried sugar daddy who will take pity on her and help her pay some of that money back. How dreadful. Whatever happened to girl power? If this was an 80s movie, Shelly would be played by Bette Midler and V. Stiviano would be played by Vanity, and they’d join forces to take down Donald Sterling (played by Piece of Chet from Weird Science) and get all his money. They’d use some of the money to open up a therapy center for side pieces and wronged wives.

Pic: AP

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