Kim Kartrashian Cut Her Self-Promotion Tour Through Armenia Short To Baptize North West In Jerusalem

April 13, 2015 / Posted by:

Alternate title: North West Baptized In The Middle East

Kim Kartrashian, Khlozilla, Kanye West, North West and E!’s camera crew were supposed to stay in Armenia for 8 days, but I guess they got all the footage they needed and if they need to do reshoots they can always build an exact replica of the Armenian Genocide Memorialin a studio in the San Fernando Valley somewhere. So after Kummy Kakes got her bleached b-hole sucked by the Prime Minster and made sure everyone could see her at the Armenian Genocide Memorial and greeted the people like she’s the fucking Princess Diana of Armenia, she cut her visit short by 3 days to take her goodwhore ambassador tour to Israel. Just when you think that Israel has been through it all, the Kartrashians visit it.

E! News says that Kim, Kanye, Khlozilla and North West all left Armenia early this morning and took a private plane to Jerusalem to baptize the Kardashian family’s newest little money maker. North West’s baptism was an intimate, low-key event and what I mean by that is that they were mobbed by the paparazzi Kim called and E!’s camera crew shot the whole thing for an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. North West’s baptism happened at the St. James. Cathedral in the Armenian Quarter of the Old City in Jerusalem. Kim must have gotten a look-alike to go into the church with North West, because I haven’t read any reports about how the church burst into flames and collapsed as soon as she walked in.

Since Anna Wintour and Beyonce probably said “no thank you” to being North West’s godmother, Khlozilla did the honors. North isn’t going to have a godfather so the priest played that role during the ceremony.

North West’s baptism was just one, great big stunt for Kim’s reality shit show, but it’s still a good thing for North West. Because now that she’s been dipped in the holy water of the holy hand, Pimp Mama Kris can never hold her. The next time PMK tries to hold North West, that baby’s blessed skin will burn off the demon leather on PMK’s claws and the only way she’ll be able to stop the burning is to dip her hands in the blood of a sacrificed goat. It’s just not worth it. So YAY for North West for that.

And before Kanye left Armenia, he did a free concert in Yerevan where he baptized himself as an attention whore by jumping into Swan Lake:

You’d think that as a Gay Fish, he’d be a lot more graceful in the water.

Here’s more of Kim and Khlozilla being treated like damn royalty in Armenia:

Pics: Splash

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