Kanye West Says His Ego Is A Giant Marble Table

Warning: Just like 99.999% of the words that fall out of Kanye West’s hubris hole (aka his mouth), the following will make you feel like you just took a deep inhale on a permanent marker. Kanye recently gave an interview to the New York Times’ T Magazine, and obviously it’s a huge pile of WTF, but one of the more Kanye-y things he said was about his ego.

I always thought that if Kanye’s ego was a physical object, it would be his wife’s two-holiday-hams-in-a-plastic-bag ass. As it turns out, it’s actually a giant marble table. Don’t worry, I’ll let Kanye explain (“Oh here we go” says everybody, as they reach for the Tylenol).

“I have this table in my new house. They put this table in without asking. It was some weird nouveau riche marble table, and I hated it. But it was literally so heavy that it took a crane to move it. We would try to set up different things around it, but it never really worked. I realized that table was my ego. No matter what you put around it, under it, no matter who photographed it, the douchebaggery would always come through.”

“They put it in without asking.” Welcome to life with your in-laws, dude. But Kanye’s ego has more in common with that marble table than them both being severely douchebaggy. Doesn’t marble absorb water? And doesn’t Kanye the fashion designer have a tendency to “absorb” other people’s ideas? Yeah, this marble table metaphor makes total sense.

Speaking of fashion, Kanye also talked about how he’s always wanted to be Kanye West: FASHION TASTE MAKER!

“I dreamed, since I was a little kid, of having my own store where I could curate every shoe, sweatshirt and color. I have sketches of it. I cried over the idea of having my own store.”

I wouldn’t be surprised if Kanye’s obsession with clothes started way earlier than that. I’m sure he was hanging out in the womb, curating his amniotic fluid and styling his umbilical cord. Then when he finally came out of his mom’s cooch, his first cries happened after he realized he was in such close proximity of such a tragically unstylish hospital gown.

Here’s more of Kanye looking like a future times emo teen for T Magazine: