Brian Williams Blamed A Maybe Tumor On His Lie-Telling Ways

April 7, 2015 / Posted by:

When Hector Elizondo in a beanie is judging you from a picture, it’s time to unbutton your suit coat and have a seat.

Vanity Fair published an investigative expose into how Brian Williams went from the golden child of NBC News to the embarrassing skid mark they’re trying to scrub out with Oxy and soda water. Brian was suspended for 6 months without pay after he got called out several times for telling several lies. The lie that started it all was the one where he claimed that during the war in Iraq in 2003, the helicopter he was riding in was hit with fire. Brian told that story a million times and was later called out by a solider who was on the actual helicopter that was hit and doesn’t remember Brian riding with him. It turns out Brian was in a different helicopter. Brian later said that he “made a mistake in recalling the events from 12 years ago.” He also reportedly committed the sin of all unforgivable sins by lying about saving puppies from a burning fire. Why bring innocent puppies into your web of lies, Brian?!

One NBC executive told Vanity Fair that they never saw Brian as a liar-mouthed liar. They just knew him as a melodramatic showman who exaggerated the truth. You know, I guess it’s kind of like when my dad told me that he was an American spy during the Vietnam War, but what he really meant is that he passed the first level in Spy Hunter at an arcade. Sort of like that. Whenever Brian would tell some grandiose tale, they’d all just say to themselves, “Oh he’s just being Brian!” But one dude not charmed by Brian was his arch rival Tom Brokaw. Tom complained to the execs at NBC News about how Brian would stretch the truth, but they weren’t hearing him. Brian was their golden child and they didn’t want to change that.

But eventually, even the execs got frustrated with Brian. They were annoyed that Brian never admitted that he lied about the helicopter story. He wouldn’t take responsibility and he even went so far as to think that maybe a brain tumor was causing him to produce more lies than usual:

“He couldn’t say the words ‘I lied,’ ” recalls one NBC insider. “We could not force his mouth to form the words ‘I lied.’ He couldn’t explain what had happened. [He said,] ‘Did something happen to [my] head? Maybe I had a brain tumor, or something in my head?’ He just didn’t know. We just didn’t know. We had no clear sense what had happened. We got the best [apology] we could get.”

The hell kind of tumor causes you to tell lies? Great, now Lindsay Lohan is going to use the lie-phoma tumor excuse the next time she needs an excuse.

Brian should’ve blamed it on anything but that. Bitch should’ve said he got amnesia or said that his arch rival Tom Brokaw drugged him, tied him up, put him in a closet and then put on a Brian Williams disguise and pretended to be him. Or better yet, Brian should’ve tried to suck up to Tom Brokaw by saying that his brain hasn’t been the same and it’s been really hard for him to concentrate ever since he saw Tom Brokaw’s handsome beauty up close and personal.

Brian is supposedly known for telling over-the-top stories and the best thing he could come up with is a TUMAH?!

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