David Lynch Is Walking Away From That Twin Peaks Reboot

When it was announced back in October that David Lynch was digging up Twin Peaks for a nine-episode third season on Showtime, it was like Santa and the Easter Bunny and Floyd the Fantastic Flag Day Goblin all got together and gave me the greatest gift I would ever receive. And then yesterday, it was like they snuck into my house and yanked it all away along with my furniture and clothes and booze and left me with NOTHING. On Sunday, David Lynch announced on Twitter (via EW) that he was saying Bye, Bitch (or Chtib, Eyeb if you’re The Man from Another Place) because it was turning into a low-budget shit show:

He then went on to say that he had called everyone involved to tell them he’d quit, and that Showtime was still planning on going through with the Twin Peaks reboot. In response to David Lynch packing up his shit and leaving, Showtime released the following statement:

“Showtime also loves the world of Twin Peaks and we continue to hold out hope that we can bring it back in all its glory with both of its extraordinary creators, David Lynch and Mark Frost, at its helm.”

Yeah, unless that hope smells like thousands of dollars, I don’t think he’s coming back.

Obviously a David Lynch-less Twin Peaks will be a giant pie-scenetd MESS, but it still needs to happen. There are some horny hos out there who get the hots for Agent Dale Cooper (raises hand), and to deny them new faptime/taptime material would be a crime against humanity. If Showtime doesn’t have the budget for Twin Peaks, and it sounds like they don’t, they could always save money by doing a couple cross-over episodes with Showtime’s Gigolos. I think I speak for all of us when I say nobody would have a problem watching Agent Cooper job shadow former Hot Slut Brace the Face for an entire day.