Kunty Karl has obviously never met the true inspiration for elegance Shauna Sand. But that’s another conversation for him and me to have while I’m filing his claws as one of his slaves in Hell.
Karl Lagerfeld was recently in NYC to present his Paris-Salzburg collection (Whatever that means!) and he let The Cut into his tomb at The Mercer Hotel to talk about it, but he didn’t really want to talk about that or himself or inspiration or books or TV or movies. The only thing Kunty Karl really wanted to talk about was the only living thing on this planet who is safe from him sucking the life out of them when the evil inside him needs refueling. Karl only wanted to talk about his precious pussy Choupette Lagerfeld. Karl calls Choupette the “most famous cat in the world,” but again, he obviously lives in an ass bubble of ignorance where he doesn’t know who Shauna Sand or Grumpy Cat is.
Most of us know the story of Choupette. One of Kunty Karl’s humans Baptiste Giabiconi left Choupette at Karl’s house for a bit and he never got the luxurious pussy back. Karl kept Choupette and turned her into the Pussy Princess of the Fashion World! As Choupette was tended to by her maid in a separate room at The Mercer (I didn’t make that up), Karl told The Cut’s reporter that she has made millions from modeling jobs. But don’t compare Choupette to the likes of Gigi Hadid and Kendull Jenner. Unlike those two desperate, uncouth peasant models, Choupette is picky about what jobs she chooses to take. Choupette doesn’t do any foodstuffs! (Side note: I really need Karl saying “foodstuffs” as my wake-up alarm).
Tell me more about Choupette. Has she changed your life?
It’s a miracle in the story. Choupette was not even given to me. Choupette belonged to a friend of mine who asked if my maid could take care of her for two weeks when he was away. When he came back, he was told that Choupette would not return to him. He got another cat who became fat, and Choupette became the most famous cat in the world, and the richest. She did two jobs and made 3 million euros last year. One was for cars in Germany and the other was for a Japanese beauty product. I don’t allow her to do foodstuffs and things like this. She’s too sophisticated for that. She had something unique. She is like a human being, but the good thing is that she’s silent. You don’t have to discuss it. She hates other animals and she hates children. She stays always with me and she has two personal maids. They play with her, they have to take care of her beautiful white hair, the beauty treatments for her eyes, and they entertain her. She is the center of the world. If you saw her, you would understand. She is kind of Greta Garbo. There is something unforgettable about her, the way she moves, the way she plays. She’s an inspiration for elegance. For attitude.
Has she changed you?
Maybe I became a better person perhaps, I don’t know. Less selfish, I guess? I think it’s grotesque, but what can you do? I believe in the unique. This is not just something to keep me company. It’s only great because of the uniqueness of her.
Who knew that a fluffy white cat would make the fabulous soulless zombie of the underworld feel real emotions? The way he goes on about her. Karl talks about Choupette the same way I talk about a Double Double. It’s that serious. Choupette’s companionship is obviously screwing with his brains and making him grow a heart. Choupette will be the downfall of the empire of evil!
Now we know that the easiest way to make millions without doing anything is to be Kunty Karl’s white pussy.
And here’s pussy whipped Karl leaving his hotel in NYC yesterday.