Open Post: Hosted By RiRi Wearing I Don’t Even Know

March 31, 2015 / Posted by:

Dear bitch who better have RiRi’s money, please give it to her already so she can buy a real damn outfit. Her Tidal check hasn’t come in yet, obviously.

RiRi left some event at Opening Ceremony in NYC yesterday looking like a hobo hooker who’s always ready for a rainstorm. That mess of an outfit looks like a fashion interpretation of a Kanye rant. None of it makes sense. That outfit probably costs more than a trip to Disneyland for a family of 4 (and that costs approximately $13,000 and a healthy kidney), but if you really want that wreck on your body, you can easily get the look for less!

Go to the section of a park where all the old men play chess while eating ice cream. At least 60% of those old men will be wearing a hat like the one RiRi’s wearing. Pick out the old man you can outrun, snatch his hat off of his head and immediately run your ass to the nearest thrift store. Go to the 90s section and find a bikini top and jeans. Cut the jeans into the shape of granny panties and accessorize them with the button-down shirt one of your one-night Tinder tricks left at your apartment. Now head to one of those restaurants with paper tablecloths for the kids to draw on with crayons. When those brats aren’t looking, yank that tablecloth off the table and wear it as a jacket. To finish off the look, buy a scrub brush at the dollar store, cut the black bristles off and glue that shit onto your forehead. Voila! Instant rainy day hobo hooker glamour!

Pics: FameFlynet, Splash

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