Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 24, 2015 / Posted by:

These things!

When I stamped the HSOTD label on those strawberry hard candies that your abuelita handpicked from a magical field somewhere (read: stole from a bowl on the host table at a Chinese restaurant), someone asked me if I remembered those “other hard candies” with the cartoon fruit on them that seemed to pop up everywhere except stores. After doing some research for this HIGHLY IMPORTANT post, I discovered that these things are sometimes called “assorted filled fruit sachet wrapped bon bons.” That is such a fancy name. If you say it out loud, you won’t be able to say it without a French accent and without your nose up in the air.

These assorted fruit bon bons are much more exotic than the regular strawberry ones, because they come in several flavors. But just like the strawberry ones, they have chewy centers and are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. You can’t really find them in regular stores, but you can find them on restaurant checks, doctor’s offices and in the pocketbooks of well-traveled grandmas.

These things are like the Spice Girls of hard candies that come with your restaurant check. There’s a flavor for everyone! Well, they’re not totally the Spice Girls of hard candies. Where’s the Posh Spice? The Posh Spice one would be nothing but a matte black wrapper filled with the warm air you exhale when you bitchily sigh and roll your eyes at the same time.

I could go for one of these drops of deliciousness now. I bet if I look in the pockets of my jackets I’ll find one. I’ll find one right next to the unused, wrapped condom I thought I was going to use on a date, but the dude ditched me before the check even came. Dude bounced out, but two of these delicious candies probably showed up with the check. So who really won the night, bitch?

Pic: Candy Nation

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