Candice Bergen is out peddling her memoirs that she should’ve called
Eat Pray Love Eat Eat Eat, because in it she declares that she’s big, beautiful and she loves to eat. Page Six says that in A Fine Romance, Murphy Brown writes that long gone are the modeling days when she used to diet to stay skinny. Now that she’s in her 60s, she’s going to happily fill her eatin’ hole with carbs and anybody who has a problem with it can suck on a fart.
Candice writes that in the past 15 years she’s gained a MASSIVE 30 pounds. “MASSIVE” is served in a baked shell of sarcasm, because I’m pretty sure I gained 30 pounds in 15 minutes on Friday night when I ate Five Guys. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think gaining the weight of 2 Olsens in 15 years is that big of a deal. But 68-year-old Candice says she’s a proud BBW now and when a fat-shaming hater throws her a look of judgement, she doesn’t have time to give a fuck, because there’s delicious chocolate ice cream to be eaten.
“Let me just come right out and say it: I am fat. In the past 15 years . . . I have put on 30 pounds. I live to eat. None of this ‘eat to live’ stuff for me. I am a champion eater. No carb is safe — no fat, either.
At a recent dinner party I shared bread and olive oil, followed by chocolate ice cream with my husband. A woman near me looked at me, appalled, and I thought, ‘I don’t care.’ Dieting is out of my purview. I crave cookies . . . all the things that dilate my pupils.”
That appalled woman was totally Goopy Paltrow. Candice went on to say that she knows of some skinny chicks who go bulimic to stay skinny:
“They maintain their weight by routinely vomiting after major meals consisting of a slice of steak or a filet of fish. I am incapable of this.”
I’m with Candice. Life is too short to not fill my stomach bag with deliciousness. Whenever I have dinner with my mom, I usually get a dessert and coffee with cream and sugar at the end of the meal. She always throws me an appalled look of judgement when I do this. (Maybe my mom was that appalled woman judging Candice?!) I always tell her that I’m going to gladly eat that dessert, because I could walk out of that restaurant and get hit by a truck and I’d rather go with the taste of delicious cake on my tongue. So just let me live! To which she says that I probably won’t get hit by a truck, but I might get Diabetes and lose my feets. Yes, my mom is the Latina Debbie Downer, Dominga Downer. She watches a lot of Dr. Oz, so I blame him for this.
And here’s the anti-Kirstie Alley with her husband and Diane Sawyer at SNL’s 40th Anniversary a couple of months ago.