Do they make chewable, fruit-flavored Valium? Because the Directioners are going to need some after the traumatizing and melodramatic week they’ve had.
Last week, every Directioner’s toddler life was turned upside down when Zayn Malik, the Sad Spice of the group who always looks like someone just sharted in his last jar of pomade while choking his puppy, left One Direction’s world tour due to “stress” after pictures of him holding hands with a trick who wasn’t his girlfriend came out. Preschool and kindergarten playgrounds were empty and quiet, because what kid wants to play and laugh when their religion is falling apart? Well, now, every preschooler is going to call in a mental health day tomorrow, because their life has been turned upside down again.
Louis Tomlinson (Who I guess is the Joey McIntyre of 1d, but then again, aren’t they all the Joey McIntyre of 1D?) and his piece of 4 years Eleanor Calder are done. Louis is approximately 4 years old, so they started dating while they were both newborns. Louis’ spokeswhore tells People that they ended it 2 weeks ago. Louis’ rep confirmed the break up today, because The Sun published a picture of him “snogging” (read: touching tongues) with some other trick at a pool party in Thailand a little over a week ago. A source tell People that Louis and Eleanor dumped their relationship in a shallow grave because they were always in different places:
“Louis is really upset about it all. They tried really hard to make it work but it was just impossible, he’s away for nine months a year and they just grew apart.”
First, Zayn and now THIS? You would think that 20-something millionaire pop stars who are drowning in offers of ass would stay true to their pieces forever and ever? What is happening in the world?
And I guess now that Louis’ contract with that Eleanor chick has expired, LARRY is free to live!
I don’t know if Louis’ makeup artiste went heavy with the rouge or if that’s just a skid mark of pure joy that appears on his cheeks when he touches the other half of Larry?