Liza’s In Rehab

March 18, 2015 / Posted by:

In a rehab facility in Malibu somewhere, international treasure Liza Minnelli will stand up in front of a group of people and say, “My name is Liza with a Z and I’m alcoholic,” before she gets up on a chair and does a few minutes of “Mein Herr.” (This is how it happens in my head) Both People and TMZ say┬áthat Liza jazz walked into rehab a few days ago to deal with her addiction to the sweet nectar. This isn’t her first time in rehab. She’s done rehab a few times. Liza’s rep says that she’s doing really well and may leave in the next few days. Her rep also said this:

“Liza Minnelli has valiantly battled substance abuse over the years and whenever she has needed to seek treatment she has done so. She is currently making excellent progress at an undisclosed facility.”

You can do it again, Liza! You were married to David Gest for 16 months. You can do anything.

I was talking to my friend, who is a grown gay, about this on IM and I brought up how Judy Garland overdosed when she was just 47 and he said, “What the fuck does Judy Garland have to do with this?” And I said, “Um, is this a joke?” And he said, “No. What do you mean?” And I said, “Judy Garland gave birth to Liza, you fucking dumbass!” And he said, “Oh, I didn’t know they were related.” What in the hell kind of grown gay doesn’t know that? How dreadful. As soon as he said he didn’t know that, he told me he was going to log off and jack off to some hot chicks on Brazzers. Yup, admitting out loud that you didn’t know that Liza is Judy Garland’s daughter instantly turns you straight.

UsWeekly also mentioned that Liza was offered $500,000 to join Celebrity Rehab in 2010. Thank God she didn’t do that. Some of us would have had to turn to the bad shit to deal with watching a Hollywood legend on a Vh1 reality show with Dr. Drew.

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